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So Long Suckers!

For GT eyes only, it's time for a second installment of secrets from the zoo. Today's tale is a story of MYSTERY and INTRIGUE. Fair warning there will be scenes of CARNAGE and BETRAYAL and FILTRATION SYSTEMS.

It's a quiet morning here at the invertebrate exhibit. It's quiet every morning at the invertebrate exhibit; most of the inhabitants don't have vocal cords. More like an aquarium than the rest of the zoo, various tanks back lit with blue lights cast shadows of cerulean and violet across the floors and walls. The near silent hissing of bubbles in the saltwater aquariums, faint hum of a massive interconnecting series of filtering pipes, and the constant stomp and crunch of leaf cutter ants (more on them later) are the only sounds. But this tranquil scene hides a shocking secret: MURDER.

For the third time, the keepers arrive to find the blue crab exhibit entirely empty save for a few fragments of shell, and a claw adrift on the sandy tank of the exhibit.

The keepers in the exhibit were baffled. Who the hell breaks into a zoo in the dead of night, wipes out the one creature that could easily be found in, oh say, a grocery store, and leaves without touching a single other thing? Security was tightened. Night vision cameras were installed. The game was a foot.


Actually, the game was 8 feet.

Interesting fact: did you know that a Giant Pacific Octopus, in spite of often have a wing span of up to 20 feet, can fit into any space her beak can fit into?

Interesting fact: did you know that Giant Pacific Octopuses prefer to hunt at night?

Interesting fact: did you know that Giant Pacific Octopuses are smarter than a motherfucker? (Most displays will tell you smarter than a dog, but I prefer the more accurate smarter than a motherfucker.)

The night vision cameras revealed that the newest cephalopod on the block, blending ever so casually in her own tank by day, was squeezing through the complicated web of filters and pipes by night. She helped herself to the apparently tasty live crab dinner of her preference, and then casually scooted back to her own tank once all the evidence was eaten.

Illustration for article titled So Long Suckers!

Final fun fact: A female Giant Pacific Octopus can have more than 200 suckers per tentacle hence the title of this post. Octopuns!

(First installment, if you're into it.)


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