So I've been having myriad health issues for the last few years. The current (and ongoing) big bad started with my most recent pregnancy.

I had an abnormal pap during my first OBGYN "Hey, totally pregnant" visit. My doc wasn't too concerned and we started planning for treatment (colpo, biopsy). Then I stayed having preterm bleeding and spent the duration of my pregnancy on partial bed rest (5 months, it was hell).

Next super fun thing was having the baby at 34+6 and hanging in the NICU for 8 days. My doc was hoping that giving birth might clear up the issue. It did not.

Next was surgery (it went well), and the pathology report. The margins of the tissue weren't clear. Fuck.

I've had moar pap tests, and they came back fine. Until June. It seems my cervix had become stenotic (all scarred shut). Lovely.

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I went and had a procedure attempted to correct the stenosis-twice. No dice, mice.

Tomorrow I have an appointment to discuss The Next Step™ in getting myself to a higher level of health. Unfortunately, the discussion is around another surgery, a partial hysterectomy. Double fuck.

So the reason I'm writing all of this is because, as much as I want to be better, I'm scared and sad about the surgery and the reasons for it. If it works, I should have less pain; I have cramp like pain every day, some days I can hardly walk it hurts so much, sexytimes are uncomfortable, I'm so freaking exhausted all the time, and on top of it all, I have all the pms/period issues sans actual menses. I'm also still nursing the newbie, so it's impossible to sort out what symptoms are caused by what issue.

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I'm also grieving the fact that I'll never have another geeklet. Not that I even planned on another, I guess I just wanted that choice to be mine.

I'm also anxious because my SO isn't going to the appointment with me.

My apologies for the novella, I just had to type this out so I can try to sleep.

Please keep me in your thoughts tomorrow, I'd appreciate it.

Update: The consult and exam went smoothly. I learned just how stressed I was after the appointment due to the 2 hour nap I took, that thankfully the newbie took with me. I was in a stress coma.

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My doc did actually offer an alternative to the partial hysterectomy, but it's another surgery. And it's not guaranteed to stick, which will lead additional surgeries. The bigger issue that I have with it is this—the way I will know I need another surgery is by having super awful symptoms that cannot be ignored, for example, (TMI ahead) imagine a cycle with no way to flow. Yeah, no.

Also, if I choose the alternative option, I will still have the parts that contribute to the big bad. I'd like to ditch the big bad, if it's all the same to you. So, partial hysterectomy it is.

They also set up a consult with the surgeon while I was still in the office (faster service). My doc wants me to have a colleague of his lead the surgery because the colleague is genius at laparoscopic surgery. My doc will be assisting, which is great because I'm really comfortable with him.

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So, Friday I will learn more. Maybe even set a date. I sure hope it's not right before Halloween, I want to be able to take my geeklets out for candy. My SO leaves for a work trip Friday morning, so I'll be going to this appointment alone too. Lame.

Thank you all for your happy thoughts, cool gifs, and support. You guys make my life nice. You make me feel like this guy: