Well, I was all set to have a great day. Both of my cats were crazy love sluts this morning after my shower. There was no school and all I have to do this weekend is study for my BIO II lecture and lab exams and my Patho exam next week. AND! The school that I am so crazy into and excited about a bunch of their programs was coming to my school to recruit and get people interested. I figured it would be a good idea to go in, and talk to the department heads for the programs that I am interested in. I've been to the seminar before, but it was still very exciting to sit there and listen to them explain all of the different programs available (not to mention graduation rates, first time pass certification rates and job placement rates - all 100%). After they finished their seminar, they were waiting outside at tables to answer questions and go into further detail for students who were interested.

This whole time I was figuring that I was fully ready to apply and had a pretty good chance of getting accepted. I was even thinking that I had an 80% chance of it, especially after talking to the representative for the specific program I'm interested in (Histotechnology) last year. Well, while waiting in line to talk to the Rep (who is also the primary instructor for the program, I believe) I heard other students ask about Chem requirements. In the information packet, it just says 17 hours in Biology and Chemistry. Well I've taken A&p I and II, I've taken Bio I (and am currently taking BIO II), I've taken Chemistry I and Micro and am taking Patho this semester as well. So I'm thinking "Hells yea, my dreams are about to come true!"

And then she says that they "strongly recommend" (admission speak for basically required, but not technically) Chem II and strongly recommend Organic Chem I. I took Chem II last semester and that is the entire reason that I am officially a year behind where I should be. Because it was so insanely hard that I had to drop it. I made something like a 43 on the first test and then a 41 on the second test.

I dropped just before the third test because even with non stop studying I knew I was going to fail. I have a 3.79 GPA. I've only made A's and B's (mostly A's). I'm not stupid. I'm not lazy either, I really study very hard, especially if I know that I'm not strong with the material.

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How am I supposed to take Chem II and possibly even Organic Chem?! None of my friends have gone past Chem I. Out of all of us, I made the highest grade in Chem I anyway (somehow, I pulled out an A but I failed one test with a 45 and got liked a 78 one another. I did well on the others and somehow on the final). That was pure luck though and I have no idea if I could handle that. I don't know anyone who could help tutor me, and last time I took the class there was no SI. And that's just Chem II, I'd probably also have to take Organic Chem to stay competitive (assuming I could pass either of those classes, which HAHA).

Once I snapped out of my despair, I told the rep that I had only taken one semester of Chemistry. She said that I could still apply because they do "rolling admissions". I don't really know what that is. She said that if I looked promising, then they would call me for an interview and we could go from there to discuss what I may need before starting the program. She also was very nice and said that if I wanted to I could email her and she could send me a worksheet that I could fill out and look over to see where I stand and what I might need. I'm definitely going to do that. They also have an Open House later on that I will be attending.

But you guys, I just feel like this isn't going to happen. It's my dream career plan though. I really really want to get into this program, I really want to work at their hospital specifically (the best cancer hospital and research center in the US). But they only accept 15 people a YEAR. I really wanted this and have been working so hard to get it and I feel like it just died in front of me.

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Why do I have to suck so horribly at something that I desperately need? I'm going to go drown my sorrows in a fried egg with avocado sandwhich on toast. Maybe even two, who cares?

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UPDATE:

Because I feel like this-

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I needed a soundtrack for my pain while I wait for my food and wallow. So naturally I put on some Celine Dion, so now I am freaking out my cats by crooning crazy loud and super emotional while flailing my arms around and picking them up (a la The Lion King) and belting out my soul to them.

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Oh Celine, you really get it. <3