I can use some help, especially from those GTers in here with disabilities.
I have a solid group of friends from college that I lived with (rotating roommates, but we all, as a group, stayed close. There’s 11 of us total). It’s the most supportive group of women ever, people will drop stuff and come help out, pick up the phone, send little pick me up gifts, celebrate the little accomplishments- it’s great. We are all in our mid to late 30s now, scattered across the country (but mostly either coastline). Most of us are doing well for ourselves, and a few of us got married around 30, the rest are getting married now.
My problem is I am the only one who is disabled. I have epilepsy, and it’s not controlled my medication. I didn’t talk about it much in college, except needing rides everywhere (which they were great about), and being hospitalized a few times (also super great about). One roommate actually saved my life by giving me CPR, alerting EMS I had epilepsy (they thought I was overdosing), and provided them with a medication list. Saved crucial time. I didn’t like talking about it then bc I was ashamed, and I wanted to feel normal.
Anyways, fast forward to now. For years, I had no trouble going to all the get togethers and celebrations. I had a good job, great insurance, my seizures were doing ok, and it wasn’t a burden to go- besides I love these girls. But that’s changed. I had a time period of nothing controlling my seizures (meds stopped working- this happens to me a lot), being banned from air travel by my neuro, finding a medication that was like a miracle, being able to (miraculously) have a baby, then having HUGE complications with that and racking up medical bills (I had to have an early c section, had a cardiac event and seizures- it was ugly. My kiddo is great though. Won’t be having another) to the tune of $53k (WITH INSURANCE-that’s hospital, three specialists, special meds and follow up treatments) and wiping out my savings and retirement savings- so I’m broke. I also am under doctors orders to take it easy now with work, bc ever since I’ve had my kiddo, I have trouble controlling my seizures.
I’ve tried to bring this up (not in so much detail bc who wants all of that?), bc I don’t want my friends to think I’m just skipping out on their stuff (bc I love them)... but I’m getting brushed off? Like, the calls are dropping off, local get togethers are happening and I’m missing them bc they just figure I can’t go. That I can make! It’s a short train ride away! But no, I can’t go to your wedding in New Orleans, or New York, or up north. I can’t even get in a plane- though I would love to go. I missed two weddings, a “bachelorette party” (which was a glorified slumber party), our annual get together, and a coming out party (which was basically a reason to have a party), and just a few random dinners and whatnot. It’s so hurtful, but I think they are trying to spare me? Ugh.
I did try talking to the one I am closest to (we live the closest)- in the hopes she could just spread the word for me. But it didn’t seem to work, and I think it’s bc she felt the info was too private.
Any ideas on how to gently let people know I’d still love invites, but I may say no, and it’s not personal? Please don’t cut me out bc I have health issues? I’m lonely and isolated enough? And for the record, I don’t think it’s malicious- we are all just busy, and far away from each other, so it’s hard to catch details.
Also, I am headed to bed bc my kiddo has an earache and has kept me up for a few days so I’ll prob respond tomorrow. Thanks GT!