He sent me a message on FB messenger (which he used to voice these "doubts about our relationship" two days ago). It reads: "Happy birthday, honey!"
WHAT THE FLYING FUCK
This is the worst birthday of my life. I am abroad. I am ill. I am depressed. And my boyfriend hurt me at the most vulnerable time of my life by rejecting me when I tried to be open with him about my condition.
What should I do? I was planning on sending him an email tomorrow that details my position on things so that he knows where I stand before we skype in a few days (and presumably break up).
I could tell him that he ruined my birthday, but I think that will trigger a longer conversation than I am prepared for today.
I think I will just ignore him. I think that will drive him crazy and let him know that I am not okay with what he did.
He just called me using his friend's phone all the way from India because I ignored his multiple messages today. One of them even said he would feel bad if we didn't talk on my birthday (BECAUSE HE SHOULD BECAUSE HE IS TERRIBLE). We got into this very emotional conversation that I kept brief because he just kept INTERRUPTING ME and I was on the verge of saying something even worse that would have led to a Big Fight. He then said we would talk later and he was sorry it couldn't be longer because it was someone else's phone and I hung up.
Now I feel (1) bad about my behavior, and (2) confused.
I think I'm confused because I'm tired. I am tired of the onslaught of shit that has been recent events and I am tired of hurt. I have barely slept the past two days and barely ate and I worked from 8 am to 8 pm today.
Part of me would to pretend it didn't happen because maybe I would get some peace back. An even larger part of me can't reconcile the horrible person who hurt me with the good man who I've dated longer than anyone else.
Tomorrow I will review the conversation because I can't let him get away with this just because I feel too weak enough to fight back.
I can't fall for his good guy routine (Right?)