I quickly moved on from asking people to move their seat to other things.
I was walking outside and with my headphones on and I heard something. I saw a group of people looking at a window and I pulled out an ear bud and I heard a man shouting in anger. More than anger, it was rage. It was so loud, booming, and it really freaked me out. The small audience laughed and brushed it off as nothing, probably out of comfort or I don't know, social norms of don't get involved. No one wants to take responsibility for that kind of thing, especially when you aren't 100% sure what's happening. My stomach sank, I thought someone should do something, but no one is doing anything. I listened trying to pin point the noise, but eventually I got scared and kept walking. Then he threatened to hurt someone. I moved faster, to get away, trying to locate where it was coming from, telling myself "No one is gonna do anything, you know the stats, everyone thinks someone else will do something, so you have to do something."
I called the police. I felt a little stupid, because I couldn't give an exactly location only a small area to search. I gave the best description I could. I don't know what happened. I walked faster and further away, I admitted to the police that I had to leave because it was really upsetting to hear.
I knew I did the right thing, because I think I've heard them fighting before. But I felt sick to my stomach. I couldn't shake the feeling that something really bad might happen. Of course it triggered a bunch of shit in me, and I started to worry that something bad might happen to me because I did something. I've made myself visible. Would they find me? Would I come home to who ever is on the end of that voice?
Then I got worried that I did the wrong thing, because maybe I wasn't suppose to leave, but I couldn't stay there. Did I break the law? Was I wasting police time? I assured myself if I did, that I could prove in court that I didn't feel safe. Even away from it, I was scared. I almost started crying on the bus, and I kept trying to hold it together. Assuring myself that I did the right thing, that I wasn't bothering anyone, that it was important. That I was helping.
It took me a long time to get back. I made myself walk in the same area, so I wouldn't be scared or avoid it in the future. I intentionally missed a few buses, because I didn't want be there. It was okay. I'm okay. Just amazing how calling and doing something scares the piss out of me.
Sometimes I get so mad at myself. That I'm not very brave, I really am the run, hide, and cry person. I wanna be the stand up fight person, but that's not me. But I did something and I hope it helped someone.