Mumble mumble unreasonable standard of beauty mumble mumble patriarchy mumble mumble.

So, my legs are pasty and I don't know what to do about it. I feel like this question is Lady Problems 101, but this is the first time that I've spent zero time outdoors all spring (THANKS school). I don't really tan so my legs don't get much color anyway, and I embrace my paleness, but usually with a little sun this sickly, blotchy pallor resolves itself into something resembling human skin.

We're coming up on full-on Texas summer (pants = death) and I just bought a couple of new dresses that I want to start wearing, so I was wondering if any of you have solutions for at least toning down pastiness. Without resorting to tights or hose which kind of defeat the point. I kind of remember reading about something called "liquid pantyhose" and then later reading that it was pulled off the market. Does this exist, and does it work? Are self-tanners still scary?