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Some Trufax.

Illustration for article titled Some Trufax.
  1. My cat is a master thrower of shade whose meow sounds like a dying flamingo. She is malleable and lovable but sticks her stinky asshole in my face and wakes me up in the middle of the fucking night too often.
  2. I am wearing the same thing I've worn the past 4 nights, without washing.
  3. Tonight I am drinking Bogle chardonnay. Is it Friday? Tuesday? Doesn't matter, that's what I am drinking.
  4. A few minutes ago I ate day old Acme bread paired with hard boiled egg whites. This was my first dinner of the night.
  5. Over the holiday break I, at the ripe-old age of 34, had my FIRST orgasm WITH a person. Who I am now trying to leave.
  6. I like the idea of denim shirts. But I always look stupid in them. This, perhaps irrationally, pisses me off.
  7. I have a canker sore. I think it's the stress.
  8. I dislike Christianity, but am drawn to men who look like Jesus.
  9. I wish to get really drunk tonight.
  10. I need to sleep with noise. I have a noise machine, a fan and White Noise app, and I sometimes have to use them all at once.

These are all the trufax I have at this time.

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