I enjoy money. I love the fact that I make a decent amount of money for the first time in life. I feel like a selfish asshole, but I enjoy it. My wife doesn’t work anymore. For most of our relationship (for about 15 years) she made way more money than me.

Then she stopped working for health reasons. Now, I make enough to ensure that she has good healthcare. We have a nice place to live (according to my standards), a nice car, nice everything (again according to me). I can even throw some money at her horrible family if they need it.

I can still make sure (for the first time in my life) that I have what I need too. I’m a person who’s had hard time (couch surfed, gone hungry, slept in car, worked two jobs). Now, I can take care of myself, my wife, and those around me. I still get to go on vacation too.

I can go to the grocery store and just buy stuff without even worrying. That sounds crazy, but to me it’s a luxury. I can have ritz crackers and soda and steak and all kinds of name brand stuff. It might not be a good idea budget wise, but I have the money for it.

I still have trouble processing it sometimes, and instead of feeling lucky, I feel like an asshole. It’s so weird.