I had previously written this post about a guy who tried to "save" me from whatever creepy thing that is going to ruin the world. Well, he came back today (I had deleted him from my phone and got to ask "who is this? Oh! My savior! Yeah, I didn't think we were still friends after I told you what a wackadoo I thought you were!"). So I proceeded to tell my guy friend (slash current flirty-texter guy friend that isn't a boyfriend but is just someone I flirty-text with) about it. The following conversation occurred.

Note: Back story, I've had to tell flirty guy before to stop telling me what I need to do. He's an unsolicited advice giver. I tell a funny story about something going on at work and get a slew of advice about how I should approach the situation. I just want to tell the story and have someone share it with me.

  • MTG: UGH! so there is this guy who keeps trying to like "save" me. It's so freakin annoying!
  • Him: Save you from what? The zombie apocalypse? Calorie-laden fast food? Justin Bieber?
  • MTG: It's just some "have you found God yet" stuff.
  • Him: Oh. I'm sure he means well, but I understand. I don't like people who try to recruit me into any religion either.
  • Him: How I see the world, whatever faith and spirituality I have, that's for me, not for everyone else's consumption. Obviously not everyone sees that the same way.
  • MTG: He's got all these "really bad things are coming" bull.
  • Him: The only really bad things I see coming are due to the idiots that work in DC, which makes all of us idiots because we voted for them... (Note: I should have seen this going downhill starting right here)
  • MTG: Ugh, now he's telling me how attractive and innocent I am and how he just wants to protect me.
  • Him: You are attractive and I sense innocence in you, but the one area of your personality that you need to employ now is assertiveness.
  • MTG: ha ha thanks...
  • Him: It's true. I've met people like this guy before. One thing they don't lack is assertiveness and self confidence. You have to stand up to them to get them to move on and to leave you alone.
  • MTG: Yeah, I dunno. He's a wackadoodle and that's basically what I'm telling him. Well, that, and that I don't necessarily believe in god.
  • Him: that will only feed the fire, it gives him a reason to keep at it.
  • MTG: and I told him that we don't have that much in common seeing as how I'm an agnostic liberal feminist and he's weirdly religious and traditional now.
  • Him: apparently that's not working.
  • MTG: no, it is. After another question about abortion he's been pretty quiet.
  • Him: ok
  • MTG: I can handle myself, Him. I'm telling you because it's absurd and funny, not because I need you to tell me how I should "fix" the problem.
  • Him: I figured that out when you broke out "liberal feminist" earlier. I have instincts that compel me to try to help people, that's just how I am.
  • MTG: what does the first part of that mean?
  • Him: I would say that every liberal feminist I've met previously has never and would probably never ask for help from me. Hence the feminist part.
  • MTG: Well, I ask for help when I need it. But it's more obvious (like, "what do you think I should do in this situation?").
  • Him: Ok. Most girls are not obvious like that. If they were, there'd never be all the jokes about "the rules" and what "I'm fine" really means when a girl says it.
  • MTG: Perhaps you just don't know the right Women.
  • Him: I've known many, and they all have some amount of that between the lines "why can't you read my mind" stuff going on
  • MTG: I don't know what to tell you about that.
  • Him: It's the norm. There's a reason there are so many books about relationships and that mars vs Venus guy made millions on his book
  • MTG: That's absolute BS. Don't perpetuate a stereotype as the norm. It partially sounds like you assume women are one way (ie that we need you to tell us how to fix our problems), treat us based off that assumption (ie actively try to fix our problems), and then claim that it's because all women want that. They don't. You've just been taught for so long that that's the way it is that you're creating your own self fulfilling prophecy.
  • Him: It's my experience I'm citing, not a stereotype. Men and women are wired differently, that's fact. I don't assume anyone needs me to fix their problems, I just like to help. That's how I am.
  • Him: Don't sit there and judge me when you really don't know that much about me yet. You want BS, well that's BS. And I'm not a fan.
  • MTG: I'm saying your experience is a direct correlation of how you approach a stereotype. You assume women are a certain way so you treat them based off of that assumption.
  • MTG: My issue is when you tell me that by me telling you that you can't assume that with everyone that I'm somehow wrong. You sit there telling me that I don't know how women are because in your experience as a man interacting with them, I'm wrong.
  • Him: You're the one that threw out the "that's absolute BS" statement. That's a judgment and why I responded. You're entitled to your opinion just like everyone else is. But you made a judgment and therefore I explained why I see things that way. Never once did I say that I'm right and you're wrong.
  • Him: And don't confuse my offering suggestions to deal with the preaching guy with my thinking that you're not capable of taking care of yourself.
  • MTG: I'm not sure you get me/it. So lets just leave it.
  • Him: Good idea.

So... Even though I'm a feminist and we never ask for advice or help, I'm going to ask for some from my GT friends. Is this guy a lost cause? I'm kinda starting to think so. Or am I just a huge bitch for going off about how it's inappropriate to say that all "girls" are a certain way? Cause I might be kinda starting to think that too.