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Update: Squirrels are assholes, volume 2,456,873

I was very proud of my fall decor this year. Given that it is decorative gourd season, I scanned Pinterest for ideas for my front porch and got a general idea of what to do. Not only did a buy a whole stack of little gourds, I got some potted mums, a couple of funky pumpkins, and some other random crap from HomeSense and Michaels. My daughter's helped me set it up and it looked pretty good.

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Illustration for article titled Update: Squirrels are assholes, volume 2,456,873

Only a few days later I come home to realize that there is a problem with using natural and even possibly edible materials to decorate outside. A squirrel has clearly visited. See below. Apologies for the blurriness; I took these in the evening with the porchlight on.

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Illustration for article titled Update: Squirrels are assholes, volume 2,456,873


Decorative gourds with bites out of them. Damnit, I really liked that stripey one; before all the points were bitten off it looked like a star.

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Illustration for article titled Update: Squirrels are assholes, volume 2,456,873

Bites out of my cool pink and blue pumpkin. I took ages to pick that one out!

Illustration for article titled Update: Squirrels are assholes, volume 2,456,873
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And perhaps worst of all, the dried corn. The first night I noticed the damage, one of the cobs was almost stripped of kernels. The second night, the whole bunch had disappeared entirely. Three times now I've had to pick up that straw bale and my poor brown owlet off the ground.

So now I have to figure out what to do. Those partially-eaten gourds will probably have to go in the compost bin because they'll just go rotten now. Maybe the big pumpkin is salvageable. Maybe I have to sprinkle my decorations with bloodmeal as well.

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In my mind it's the same squirrel who went on a peanut-butter fueled bender of destruction a couple of months ago. I'm generally very pro-critter, but the squirrels are testing my patience. No one mentioned this on Pinterest.

UPDATED:

Illustration for article titled Update: Squirrels are assholes, volume 2,456,873
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Now mostly just a big basket of pulp and seeds.

Illustration for article titled Update: Squirrels are assholes, volume 2,456,873
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Caught in the act, but got away before I could take a picture of him in the basket.

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