Focus: shitty world. I feel like we haven’t talked much about our nervous breakdowns lately.
Happy Easter, Easter-celebraters.
It seems like we are taking in the news all the time like drinking from a fire hose, but I want some big picture stuff: how do you feel about life, the world, the resistance?
This is where I’m at:
- I’m not checked out but I’m less engaged. I’m still calling my reps and doing some donating, but not as frequently. I feel shitty about that. I started burning out. I don’t know how to fix it.
- I try not to let myself hear Trump’s voice. It triggers me - from the pussy grabbing tape (triggering me to think about every time I’ve been grabbed) to just associating him with the men who have abused me.
- I’m still trying to quit my job for both personal political reasons; personal is typical shit, political reasons meaning: sick of making money for Republicans who run my company, sick of being away from my home (via commute), acquired general worldview of “Life is short - fuck it and fuck you!”, acquired taste for being around more people like me. I want to have the flexibility in my schedule to attend protests.
- I am less tolerant than I have ever been in my life with people who are not like-minded. I hate this about myself. I hate them too.
- I have some relationships that have broken down and I don’t have the will to fix them. I hate that also. Is is the new normal? If our relationship can’t be repaired I suppose I can live with it. I’m hanging on with my mom by a thread, which is the toughest because I am close to her. I have yet to discuss anything with my grandma, who I am super close to. I know she did not vote for the first time in her life because she is very religious and hates Trump. I am clinging to that.
- I have laser-focus on getting Trump impeached. I can’t look away. I have a lot of inner debates about which news item I am supposed to care about more - because there is just so much. So I am going big; I want Trump out. I feel that we cannot resist him one at a time.
- I am feeling joyful because I do feel that we are having a progressive revival. I have no tolerance for shit talking or negativity - there are tangible results seen around the country, from resistance efforts. Things are happening. Those who are dissatisfied with result should make an effort to improve them, not be negative about all efforts when they don’t yield immediate results.
- I am also joyful because I feel closer to some people in my life. I’d say for every relationship that has broken down, I have strengthened another via the resistance.
- I want to be prepared. I want to have a disaster emergency kit that’s worth a shit (I have a minor one for hurricane evacuations). I want to have spare pairs of glasses. Most of all I want to take some self defense classes and learn to KICK ASS.
- I am scared that I am growing numb. I feel aware of things...I’m not UNAWARE and I am horrified whenever there is new hell upon us. It’s that my reaction, often, is, “well fuck that, what are we going to do about it?” Is it because I’m strong or because I’m callous? I assure you, I don’t think any of you can tell.
Where are you at? Are you OK?