So... I guess Martha Stewart (a blonde billionaire who's been at the game for several decades) feels like Gwyneth Paltrow (a blonde actress-cum-blogger whose claims to fame are mostly her ex-boyfriends, soon-to-be-ex-husband, Oscar win and ability to sound completely out of touch even when she has a point) is encroaching on her territory.

If this is all brand new information to you, I guess the first shots were fired when Stewert was all, "She already has her thing! Why does she have to copy my thing?!" And then Gwyneth was all like, "Bitch is a Buh-illionaire, I guess I'm doing something right if she doesn't like it!" Which must have really pissed Martha off. Because the latest issue of her magazine includes this.

I don't know about you, but when you call it "Conscious Coupling" and open with "Every Thanksgiving table should be blessed with the presence of a long-married pair" well, shit. is. getting. real.

Real delicious, that is. I mean, also petty, sad and embarrassing but also "crumbly and velvety". Mmmmm, chocolate mousse pie...

* Can this please be the low point?