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Stop asking me "Why are you single?"

Dear Men on OkCupid:

I know you are trying to flirt and make conversation, but this question comes off as condescending and implies there is something wrong with me and any person you are posing that question to. Please stop it. I don't go around asking men why they are single. I feel this question is used to gain information on a woman to see whether or not there is something wrong or deeply flawed about them that no man would want them. This is not to say that women are perfect, but just because I am single does NOT mean that there is something undateable about me. Whether or not I am with someone, I live my life and I'm happy doing the things I do.


Here was a question and comment posed to me earlier this morning:

why are you still single ??? cupid is not happy about this at all lol

Here was my response. I don't really care if it comes off as rude or bitchy. I think this question is rude and condescending, so I answered as I saw fit:

Hi, in the future I'd really recommend not asking someone that. It really implies that there is something wrong with the person. I don't ask men that because I find it to be a condescending question. I'm not sure who "cupid" is in your remark either, but I'm quite happy with my life regardless of whether or not I am seeing someone. I hope that answers your question. Have a good one.


I am not something to be acquired or conquered. A lot of the time this is why nothing ever goes anywhere for me because I can tell when someone simply wants me to spread my legs for them and I'm not having it. This is not to say that casual sex is wrong, but it is not something I want, and I know when I am being treated as a mission. You want to know why I am single? I am single because I have put up with abuse, neglect, and all-around mistreatment and I simply haven't made a connection with anyone. I am looking for a man who is not afraid to connect with someone, who is willing to put in as much effort as I am, who is willing to be open and communicate, who cares because he simply cares, someone who is driven and educated, and is willing to be supportive of me and my dreams as I will be with his. I have not found that person and I don't feel bad about it anymore. I am 24 years old and I have other things on my mind besides men, marriage, and babies because I want to meet the right person for me. I don't owe anyone an explanation.

Why am I single?

Because I have finally come to believe, after 24 years of living, that I simply deserve the best. When I get that, I'll be sure to let you know.


Edit: I know the question in this case was posed as a "compliment". I don't find it to be a compliment even if that was the intent. I wrote this post because I'm annoyed with the question regardless of who it comes from because it is inherently condescending. I used to answer this question in the nicest way possible but now I typically don't answer it at all if it's coming from strangers online who use it as an opener (except in this case, obviously).

And yes I deserve the best, after years of thinking I'd be lucky just to get someone to go out with me, period. We deserve the best when we start to love ourselves and realize our own self-worth, and we deserve to be with someone who also realizes that. This is critical to everyone, but especially those coming out of abusive (emotionally or physical) relationships. Self-love, people. It's fundamental.

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