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Welcome To The Bitchery

I like to tell stories. This is kind of a funny story about my mom. I'll never tell it to her though.

Growing up learning from my grandmother, my mother only really learned how to make casseroles to feed an army of hungry teenagers, so we were pretty unhealthy for a while. When I was 12 or 13, she was diagnosed with cancer and decided we would change our ways. Well, there was a learning curve with the healthy cooking. I had a couple very young siblings who were exempt, but my older-little brother and I were doomed to eating grilled chicken and steamed broccoli and brown rice every single night. For years.


And years. When I was old enough to drive, I started eating out ALL THE TIME. At some point around when I was 15 or 16, she started grilling salmon and my brother and I went absolutely berserk for it because it wasn't chicken.

To this day, she thinks I am bonkers about grilled salmon and steamed broccoli, rearranges all of her plans and schedules in order to cook it for me. Last time I came to visit, she couldn't manage it and she's still apologizing for that like 6 months later. She says things like, "I know there is nothing like your mother's cooking!" I really assign zero nostalgic value to salmon.


I will never tell her that I could not give a shit about salmon. I mean, I like it, but I just do not care if she makes it or not. Never ever will I tell her.

I won't touch grilled chicken or plain steamed broccoli with a ten foot pole.

Any funny stories about your parents?

Illustration for article titled Story Time (alt. title: lets make fun of our parents)

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