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Story Time: Crazy Injuries

My injuries, while always clumsy (such as breaking my foot just standing still and falling off a sidewalk drunk), are not that entertaining. For this round, I submit one of my brothers. He has been injured a bunch of times, but I have three stories that really stick out.

Age 10-ish. I was babysitting him and his stupid friend, and I hear a huge crash from upstairs. They were bouncing on these couch/beds in our extra room, and my brother had hit his head on the ceiling fan and it made him bleed. I go up there and yell at them. Then I get on the computer in there, since I am a responsible babysitter.

His dumb friend then suggested he put his head in a rolled up sleeping bag to protect it from the ceiling fan (?) and so he did, but as soon as he stepped onto the couch/bed (I don't know what the fuck these things were), he was much taller with that sleeping bag, and the ceiling fan knocked him off the couch/bed, and he landed and broke every finger, thumb included, on his left (dominant hand).


This was the first time he had to learn to write with his right hand, but it came in handy for years to come. He is now almost as good as writing with that hand as his left.

Age 14-15. He had somehow broken his leg in a soccer game - it was boring, I don't remember. This isn't the injury from the story. He had a cast up past his knee, but not a walking cast at this point, so he was on crutches. His SAME friend from above was also on crutches for something else I can't remember at the same time. They had races down the hallways of our high school. I was a senior at the time so I was too cool for them, but for some "spirit day" or something, they both wore cheerleaders' uniforms to school one day. Because they are dipshits, they decided to wear a high heel on each of their good feet.

They had one of these races, on crutches, in cheerleading uniforms, and each with one high heel (the cutest part is that they each had injured the opposite foot and were collectively wearing one matching pair of shoes). Because of obvious reasons, they both hit the floor pretty quickly - apparently, the friend went down first, his crutches went out in all directions, he tripped my brother, and my brother basically shattered his whole leg. He was in a wheelchair for about 4-6 months after that, pins in his leg and surgeries and everything.

My mother was not impressed.

Age 17-18. This one is a double-whammy because it includes my dad. I'm home from college for the summer, in the kitchen with my parents and other siblings. My brother, so used to broken bones and so stoic as he always is, came inside, his thumb pointing in the wrong direction, spurting blood, and he was like, "I think I need to go to the hospital." My dad, who is both a (borderline) hemophiliac and hemophobic, fainted. This is not that abnormal for him, except that he hit his head on the way down and was now bleeding, which we now had to deal with because he is a borderline bleeder. He woke up, saw that he was bleeding, puked everywhere, and we managed to get them both wrapped up in rags and in the car.


When my dad has minor scrapes and bruises, they clot after a day or so, but this was a big gash in his head. So my mom drives both of them to the hospital and I watch my siblings. Hours and hours and hours later, they come home, my dad bandaged and full of whatever the fuck clotting agent they use, my brother with a cast all the way up past his elbow on his dominant arm (I guess that's how it works when you break a thumb).

What caused the thumb break, you ask? Because of the chaos, I didn't find out until after they got home. My brother was petting the family dog, a huge yellow lab, his thumb got caught in the collar, and the dog took off running, breaking his thumb. That's it. He broke his thumb on the dog, which required half a day at the ER for both he and my dad.



Give me your stories, you klutzes!

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