I knock over drinks. All. The. Time. I have twice (not once, but twice) killed a laptop computer with wine. I have broken countless stemmed glasses, to the point that I am not allowed to be given cocktails in stemmed glasses at the bar my friend owns, and all the bartenders there know that. My mother banned me from having red wine at her wedding, even though it was cold, because she thought I'd spill it on her wedding dress. She told the caterers, and all my relatives. I will probably ban myself from red wine at my own wedding, and my fiancé, who is planning on writing recipes for some cocktails or punches or something, has told me he is not putting anything red in any of them. There will be no red drinks available to me.

I bought an expensive white corset for a costume once, and my SO wrote, in sharpie on my arm, "only clear drinks."

There are two reasons for this.

  1. I flail my arms around when I talk. Now, when I sit at a table or desk or anywhere with a drink, I put all the open containers past arms distance.
  2. I am almost blind in one of my eyes and my depth perception is really bad with things that are close to me (things that are far I can figure out, like cars coming or whatever). This is most problematic when something is sitting to my right, so much so that my close friends and SO move drinks away from my right side, if I don't do it first.

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So, GT, what makes you a run-of-the-mill idiot?

ETA: You guys really know how to make a clumsy gal feel less alone.