These stories are cute, usually. I'm going to tell about my first two just because it's a testament to early teenaged me.

Modern Love Story

My first relationship was actually a boy I met online, which is fitting since I am about to marry a boy (well, man) I met online. Although this was back in the old days when I hung around AOL chatrooms, and meeting someone online that way, especially as a 13 year old, was incredibly stupid. However, after talking to the guy a lot, I had pretty good verification he went to a neighboring middle school.

Of course my parents knew nothing of my online romances. I got them to agree to start dropping me off at the movies or mall. They hated the kid because he refused to meet them (I mean, that's a good reason to hate a boyfriend of your daughter). He wore a bucket hat with safety pins all over it (this was like, 1998).

We had really intense talks over AIM. He was quite the poet. I was a budding angry artist, and I was trapped in a Catholic school where I had few friends and hated every moment of my life (including some tough things going on at home). His romantic language made me swoon! Of course, in person, we would awkwardly hold clammy hands and not talk to each other.

I don't remember how we broke up, or really if we even broke up.

I would kill for a transcript of those conversations.

A/S/L?

Homeless People Pants

The next guy was two years older than me. We started dating when I was an incoming freshman into the local public high school. We met through my neighbor, a year older than me, who had already started at that school. I can't TELL you how validating it was to have an older dude into me after the awkward years of middle school. Obviously, this was pretty unhealthy for me.

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He would come over, and we made out on my trampoline all the time. Basically, we were constantly trying to hide somewhere to make out. I never went to his house. I think it's because he could drive, and I couldn't, but my parents maybe wouldn't let me ride off with him or something.

He wore huge JNCO pants. My dad asked him if he housed homeless people in there. I was mortified.

We broke up right after school started. I don't remember why, but I remember I was the one who broke up with him, and that I was new to that feeling of a breakup, so I kept thinking it was a bad decision and that I was definitely going to die alone. Yeah, ok, at 14 I had sealed myself into dying alone.

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What you got for me, GT?