I have two such stories. Well, I have more than that, but these two are more recent and stick out in my mind.

Keep It In Your Pants

First is about a girl I had to fire. The reason I thought to write this is because she texted me this weekend asking for her job back (which will make you spit out your coffee after you read on).

One of my jobs for this company is that I hire and manage art teachers - but they teach amateur, low-commitment classes to non-artists. One of the great challenges of this is that I have to find artists who are capable of interacting with "normals" without being a total nightmare. You'd think I'm being judgmental, or that this should be easier, but in my area, this can be a little difficult.

Our work environment is largely based on being fun and free - but the artists need to work with a sense of professionalism and keep their inner maniacs at bay.

When she was on, she was ON and we loved her. When she was off, usually she'd be receptive to a little constructive criticism and she'd pull it back together, but the last few times it didn't stick.

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I would also like to mention that I did not interview and hire this person. She was interviewed and hired by this total idiot (my second person in this post).

Here are a list of her most bizarre infractions. These are also the most recent so they directly led to us letting her go.

  1. Posting a perfectly innocent photo to our company's Facebook, with a caption including the word "blow job." (Note: posting photos during classes is encouraged so that part is not out of line. Just didn't expect to have to tell an adult not to post the words "blow job").
  2. Asking me if she can just wear body paint to work, because she's getting painted for a project, and if she puts on her work clothes, she'll mess it up (no, lady, you cannot come to work nude...).
  3. Showing people photos and paintings of her vulva. As an artist (or just as a person), this is not something I find even remotely offensive. As an employer...WAT. NO. Do that unaffiliated with us. Showing them to people in this setting meant, to me, that she wanted these images to be offensive.
  4. Trolling art classes for hookups and being inappropriate to men in front of their wives (2 accounts of this).
  5. The straw that broke the camel's back: grinding on an old woman in a wheelchair in the middle of the day. This advance was unwanted, and it let me to realize she will never, ever gain common sense about appropriateness.

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This weekend, she sent me an email asking for her job back. The text of the message included, "I have learned that [company] was a big part of my life. I really enjoyed teaching the classes, and I am really regretting leaving you guys." Leaving? I think the words you're looking for are, "getting fired."

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I will say that it looks like she might have some issues. I don't know what they are - I don't know what causes her to introduce something sexually inappropriate into so many conversations, to gyrate on people who don't want it, to write R-rated words on a public Facebook account where she works. And I hope she gets them sorted out (if she is indeed suffering).

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Who's Supervising My Supervisor?

I actually already posted about this person right when she was fire-resigned, so you can read my length bitching about her there, if you want. But, as an update to that post, I have to tell you the shit-storm she left us in:

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She committed our company to doing a huge service project at a local school - sounds great, right? - except she told the school we would do things that cost a shitload of money - including paying the salary of an art teacher for them, donating 200 computers, donating art supplies for this art teacher to use. We were committed to three days of re-painting, re-planting, organizing the library, etc. - and none of us knew or had made time in our schedules to do it. I cannot believe our bosses didn't know about this - which really shows bad business on their part.

We were committed to the point that the school had given us whatever legal documentation and receipts for these intended donations. They had set aside a classroom for this art class we were supposed to fund entirely, they had started to trash their old computers.

It was bad. I still really feel for this school, who is currently in the school year without an art teacher because they thought we were paying for it.

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My employers felt extremely responsible for this (as they should) and felt terrible, because they hadn't set aside the resources to do this. They had told her to find a service project for us, and she said we were committed to doing a couple murals - not a big deal.

I'm not sure exactly the conversation that happened when the firing/resigning happened, but I think she decided to quit right before all this shit hit the fan, and they were like FUCK YOU GET OUT ANYWAY. That's all I got about that.

Unsurprisingly, business has boomed since we found a real and actual marketing director who isn't the worst.

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