I’m in my last summer of mall work, and the husband is ... somewhere ... Our hours are not complimentary. (And also, my feet are tired.)

We’ll be living separately next year for work reasons, and I’ve insisted on custody of the dogbeasts because of his schedule. Today, they were alone from 11:30 until about 6:15, and when I returned they were out of their minds wild. OUT. OF. THEIR. MINDS. Especially the little one, which makes sense, but is still super annoying.

I’m a little nervous about being their sole caretaker next year, and I just found myself Googling, “Will I get denied tenure if I bring my dogs to work ...”

With their current manners, I can’t really speak for tenure. I’d probably be fired. They are some rude doggies.

What kind of stupid stuff do you Google when you’re home alone?