I'm visiting Denver in about a month. A friend of mine lives there. I told her I'd just had a small stroke and was fussing with medications making me dizzy. Her response was to say "well, want to go skiing up the mountain when you visit?" um. no.

My mother said - maybe you didn't have a stroke! Maybe you've always had blurred vision in that eye! um. no.

My older cousin (like age 60) sent me a message say that they hope I feel better now! and that everything has cleared up! Actually, everyone is concerned that things haven't cleared up. I'm having bad reactions to the medication and trying to shake that out. I haven't responded because I feel like I'll just disappoint her. Sorry to dash your hopes.

My other friend said I had too much bad stuff going on in my life and she just didn't want to know. It's not that I don't have good stuff. It's just been a little rough lately on all fronts. She said I could call her when I have good news. OK.

And someone else inferred that I told people about my medical stuff because I wanted attention. I don't know how to react to that. Maybe. Mostly I just wanted the people who I thought cared about me to know that this crazy was happening, and I wanted to be able to talk about it.

I know I was hurt when people I had been there for when they were in the hospital or sick didn't bother to call. ok.

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The truth is, most people have good things happen and bad things happen. Right now for me, it's been rough on the job front and health front. It's been that way for a while, which I know is hard for people to hear. I'm in a new place, new job. I did this to try and shake things up and right my path. But I don't have any close friends here and I'm far from home.

Now I feel bad for sharing. My mom's all "you put something on Facebook about it!" Actually, I just put a note reminding people to have someone in the hospital with you because there were so, so many medication errors, like nurses trying to give me the same meds over and over, and getting the wrong dose or the wrong med. I haven't said anything else about it on social media since.

People at my work know because I had to ask for rides to the doctor and the ER.

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This shit makes you vulnerable. It makes you exhausted. It's scary when doctors don't know what happened or why or if the medications you're taking will stop it from happening again. Am I going to have another stroke while sitting here watching TV? That's what happened last time.

All I can do is take the meds and get second opinions and keep going with my life. And perhaps draw up a living will and a dead will. I am afraid no one will take my kitties and they will be sent to a shelter to die or live out their life in a cage. These are the things I'm thinking about.

I don't have a husband to lean on. And that's ok, but it's also why I lean on my friends. Maybe the lesson here is to keep things to myself more. I say as I babble along on Jezebel.