5 years ago this weekend, I almost died.

It's a bit of a long story, but here's the gist of it: At just 20 years old, I was on immunosuppressants for an autoimmune disease, and I got an infection. I thought I was having a fibromyalgia flare-up for a good week or so, and it wasn't until I was too weak to walk that I realized something was wrong. By the time I got to the ER, my blood pressure was 33/20, and the doctors said I would've been dead within half an hour had I not arrived when I did. Turns out I was in septic shock with full-blown septicemia, in complete renal failure, and in multi-system organ failure. While in the ICU, I developed double septic pneumonia, which filled my lungs 95% full of fluid. The doctors told my parents I had ~5% chance of surviving.

Spoiler alert: I survived. It certainly wasn't easy, but I made it.

I've been working on writing up what happened to share in much more detail (if anyone would like to read that...I'm not sure if people here would be interested, so let me know your thoughts), and it's...suddenly and unexpectedly made rather emotional. I've told the story more times than I can count, and I've distanced most of my emotions from it. But for some reason, today, it's hitting me.


Guise. I'm just so. damn. glad. I'm alive. Tears of happiness kind of glad. I'm glad I beat the odds, glad my body kept fighting, glad I got to the hospital in time... I'm just so fucking happy I didn't die.

And just as much so, I'm glad I survived the post-traumatic stress and major depression that hit me afterwards. There was a long while in which I wished I'd died on the way to the hospital that night or died in the ICU. I'm so, so happy to say that these days, I'm glad I survived. I've come so far, and guys, I'm really, really fucking proud of myself.


...I'm also really disappointed I wasn't able to find a decent gif of the Monty Python "I'm not dead yet!" scene. Really, internet?! You have disappointed me.