(NOTE: Please play the following YouTube clip while reading. Also note - this is no way, shape, or form to be taken seriously.)

Dweeze: “It was mid-morning on a Friday. No one was expecting it. Sure, we all knew of Greendale’s Pillow Fort/Blanket Fort War. And we had seen flare-ups of our own. The ongoing dispute between Team Dog and Team Cat. The burgeoning fight between Team Pie and Team Cake. But no one was ready for this. It caught us by surprise like the rebs attacking Ft. Sumter.

Suddenly, there it was a another Fuck-It Friday post. Sides were quickly chosen; battlefields stormed. It was poster against poster. Significant others raised their fists and shook them at the heavens above, plaintively screaming ‘Why?’. Babies cried. Dogs howled. The screens ran black from the automatic letter coloring. Some thought they could straddle a fence, but there was no place to be neutral. Me? I knew my side. I’d be going to war with General Burtrude Reynolds, or Old Murder She Wrote, as the troops liked to call her.”

Won’t you please share your experiences during the Great FIF War of 2013? Stories, pictures, audio recordings?

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An Oral History of The Great FIF War of 2013 is brought to you by a generous grant from the Koch Family Foundation. I know, they're shitty human beings, but we really needed the money.