My friends.

I suffer from a plague and a scourge many of us suffer from: extremely heavy periods. Like, change-your-tampon-thrice-nightly heavy. Like, I go through the super tampons and a pad and still have destroyed underwear heavy. I have desperately wanted to switch to diva cup, moon cup, any of the cups. Unfortunately, I haven’t had the $40 to plop down on something non-foodstuff or rent related recently (yes I know in the long run I’ll save money, I’m not really in a looking to the long run place right now though. SOMEONE HIRE ME PLZ I KNOW GOOD LAWS). So, tampons it has been.

I decided to give super+ tampons a whirl. NO. MISTAKE. BAD BAD BAD IDEA.

Perhaps I have a tiny vagina. Who knows. I’ve never measured it. Perhaps I got some from a bad batch. But whilst normal tampons generally fit and conform to the general vaginal shape, these tampons defiantly stay stiff and tube shaped. Like an unwelcome speculum, they do not fade into the general background of your day. YOU ARE ALWAYS AWARE OF THEIR PRESENCE. They want you to know they are there. You bend over? SUPER TAMPON DOES NOT BEND TO YOUR PUNY WILL. You go for a walk? EVER FELT A CHAFED VAGINAL WALL? NOW YOU WILL KNOW TRUE PAIN. And then, when you just can’t take its taunts of supremacy anymore (seriously, these tampons are the Men’s Rights Activists of the feminine hygiene world) and have to take it out, NO. COTTON FIBERS CLING TO YOUR LADYBITS AND REUFSE TO LEAVE WITHOUT A FIGHT. THE CRINGE INDUCING FEELING OF TAKING OUT A TAMPON TOO EARLY IS MAGNIFIED BY THEIR GIRTH AND STUBBORN REFUSAL TO BEND TO THE FEMALE WILL.

So my friends, do not buy super+ tampons.

The more you know.