I got a girl’s number at a club the other night and since I haven’t dated in like ten years, did a little googling to see what the general consensus is on texting. (Mistake, will not repeat). Came across a Dr Nerdlove article (ETA: from 2011) and vaguely remembered him having some good advice on dealing with creepy guys in your friendship group, so opened it up and:

The text ping doesn’t have to be terribly complex or crazy – just a little reminder of who you are. One of the most reliable out there is the classic “Hey $NICKNAME, do you speak text? $YOURNAME”. If I met her while out at a bar or party, I may send something along the lines of “Hey $NICKNAME, it’s $YOURNAME, I’m texting you now before I forget who you are when tomorrow’s hangover kick’s in, so WRITE ME BACK, WOMAN!” or “So I have a couple hours before the consequences of my actions kick in $NICKNAME so I wanted to say ‘hey!’”

emphasis mine. Is it just me or would this be an incredibly creepy text to receive? I mean, it wasn’t even sent to me and I still physically recoiled at the WRITE ME BACK, WOMAN!

Hey, I think I just met your twin.”
“You just popped into my head, so I wanted to say ‘Hey’. Oh, and stay out of my head.”
“I had a really weird dream about you last night.”
“Hey, I just saw something awesome and it made me think of you. Text me back.”

Uhhhhh.

One that I’ve had some success with on numbers that had gone silent is: “Sure, come on over. Key’s in the usual place.” As soon as I get the inevitable “What??” response, I reply “Oh shit, replied to the wrong text. Sorry about that.” It’s a risky move and one I only use rarely; as often as this baits a girl into talking again, it also will occasionally end in silence… or someone calling me out on it being a blatant bait into a conversation. So use it with caution.

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WAT.

I think I’m just going to text her something nice and normal and forget all this bullshit tbh.

(ETA: that giant smiley belongs in the “do you speak text” text; me adding the year of the article pushed it down and I don’t know how to put it back)

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