So I went to the mailbox, only to find a gun magazine addressed to greg. It’s circumstantial, but it’s still…
This morning. Kitchen.
roommate: so I talked to greg this morning.
Greg: where is the new jar of peanut butter I bought
Everyone: Watching the bachelorette
Me: sitting on the couch writing
You probably laced it with shit you fucking weirdo.
It’s like the return of Jason, but like...shittier.
I’m packing up greg’s shit and I found three pairs of my underwear among his shit. Because of course I did.
Not that it wasn’t serious before. Because it was. And not that he wasn’t a fucking creep. Because he was. But as is…
This is a real convo that just happened.
So my cousin and I are all dressed up to go to the parade.
mom: he sounds like a weirdo
So..... Here we are.
My coconut whipped mango butter, vanilla whipped shea butter, and extra virgin coconut oil went missing.
Greg: hey I’ve been using your soap. Can I have it?
No I didn’t kill him. But he is moving out! Next Weekend!
I know that this is a hard concept for you to grasp but please try.
OMG. Greg just came downstairs and modeled his new suit for me.