I’m packing up greg’s shit and I found three pairs of my underwear among his shit. Because of course I did.
Not that it wasn’t serious before. Because it was. And not that he wasn’t a fucking creep. Because he was. But as is my…
This is a real convo that just happened.
So my cousin and I are all dressed up to go to the parade.
mom: he sounds like a weirdo
So..... Here we are.
My coconut whipped mango butter, vanilla whipped shea butter, and extra virgin coconut oil went missing.
Greg: hey I’ve been using your soap. Can I have it?
No I didn’t kill him. But he is moving out! Next Weekend!
I know that this is a hard concept for you to grasp but please try.
OMG. Greg just came downstairs and modeled his new suit for me.
Well that was nice while it lasted. Greg hadn’t been in the house for a week. And I thought to myself, God really does…
*me sitting in the living room, minding my own business*
Greg: hey I bought you this apple pie from McDonalds
*watching a tv show*
Greg: so you want to hear about my day?
Greg: Wow. you look really pretty.