Welcome To The Bitchery

Talk Me Down Groupthink

So, this girl who I am still fb friends with just posted about how she’s been married to her husband for a year. And I am really tempted to comment on it. Here’s the story. So “Rachel” was in the same small (25 in a cohort) program as me. Rachel had gone to the university the program was run out of as an undergrad, and had a pre-med, senior boyfriend there, “Ambrose.” She and I became friends. I considered her my closet female friend in the program.* I started dating “Rainaldi,” also in the program, but intending to go to med school at some point. I was also working in a location near “Philip**,” another person in the program, who was friends with Rainaldi and Rachel. It became clear in the initial month or so of the program that Philip had feelings for Rachel. I supported this development, since they were both friends of mine, (or so I thought) with the caveat that I figured she’d break up with Ambrose first. Eventually she did. She and Philip hooked up that weekend. Philip was happy! Then Rainaldi suddenly broke up with me. We hadn’t been dating too long, so I wasn’t too badly upset***, just pissed, honestly. Anyways, exactly a week after Rachel and Philip hooked up, Ambrose shows up at a social event. They’d never broken up. (Ambrose continues to host social events and come to social events throughout this story, oblivious to the goings on described here). Philip is obviously upset by all this.

Initially after Rainaldi broke up with me, she kept saying he was really upset about it, and confused and thinking of taking me back, and stuff like that. I made some initial overtures to him within the two weeks after the break up to see what he was thinking, but what he was saying didn’t jive with what she was saying, so I didn’t really talk to him after that. A little while later, she begins saying weird stuff like, “You know no one here is interested in Rainaldi. There’s no reason to get jealous that we’re still friends with him.” Which was odd because I’d never been suspicious, since obviously the timing of how he’d broken up with me was super shitty,**** and he’d been a bit of a jerk in other ways, so I figured no one thought he was a hot catch. Then this girl who was friends with her tried to fight me, randomly. Then our other mutual female friends dropped us.***** Then Philip got kinda distant. So I was pretty friendless, suddenly, and confused as to why. Eventually I worked out that she’d pulled the usual mean girl stuff, + some outright lies about me. And told people I was really jealous of all the female friends he had in the program (I wasn’t). And she’d used the hold she had on Philip to tell him not to talk to me, because she thought I was interested in him (I wasn’t). This all happened (meeting everyone to mean girl shit) between June 2011 and September 2011. At that point I did what I needed to do in the program, but didn’t interact with Rachel outside of it. Being super polite of course, and never being alone with her so she could make up something again. From approximately September 2011 until AT LEAST November 2012, she continues to officially date Ambrose. Except she is also seeing Philip and Rainaldi, but on the DL. And to Philip, at least, she wouldn’t tell him anything about what was going on, and wouldn’t make any promises, but also was super possessive with him (like the not wanting him to talk to me thing). This took its toll on Philip, who eventually gained some distance from the whole clusterfuck. Anyways, sometime in the spring of 2013, she and Ambrose ACTUALLY break up, and she starts publicly dating Rainaldi. By August 2013, she and Rainaldi are engaged, after a suspiciously short official relationship. Married in June of 2014. Anyways, I really really really want to comment, in response to the post about being married for a year, “but how long have you been together?” or something. I don’t live in the same part of the country as these people anymore, and obviously they’re not part of my social circle.

Please tell me on a scale of “Awesome Burn” to “Honey, No” how bad an idea this is?


ETA: She was also very into the whole marrying a doctor thing posting stuff about med school for both Rainaldi and Ambrose. Which is why I was pretty tickled when Philip, who was less showy about his quest for money, got himself into a position where he’ll be making six figures well before they’re out of med school.

ETA: And this isn’t a discussion of whether I need to cut these people out of my life / unfriend / take a break. I don’t think of them at all for months. It’s more the opportunity to be a bitch that is tempting. I REALLY don’t need someone telling me I care too much, after being told I cared to much, when I honestly wasn’t particularly into Rainaldi in the first place.

*Without putting too many doxy details in one post, the nature of the thing we were doing was tough, with more than 1/5 people not making it because of the stress / workload, etc. Most of us were in isolated communities and far away from friends and family from our previous lives.

**who is actually a good and nice person who didn’t deserve any of this.

***he was also utterly terrible in bed, so yah know. She apparently told Philip he was good. I had to be like, “lol, nope.”


****Generally considered the toughest time in the program.

*****Except for one person, bless her.

Share This Story