I’m seriously contemplating leaving my job and trying to just make art. I am close to snapping because I am so frustrated at work - I already was angry, and then the election happened and I’m so fucking angry I’m like, tipping over a point. At first I felt like I shouldn’t listen to that little anarchist (voice in my head) but she hasn’t calmed down. It’s gotten more intense.
So I’ve been job hunting but there has so far been nothing I think is better than my current job. That’s ok, I understand this stuff takes time.
My husband is suggesting that I quit and try, for once, to pursue making art and crafts and selling them. I have wanted to do this for a long time but in the past making shit and selling it has always come from a place of desperation (when I didn’t have financial stability), but I loved it. And now I like can’t even get the motor running because I’m too exhausted and have little creativity. One thing I love about him is that he can see how wilted I am from that. Add to that, that I have few ways to volunteer or take any sort of political action (like many people), and I’m really, really fucking unhappy about that.
I keep kind of waffling because like, what kind of idiot gives up a job that pays OK (not great) with benefits? Especially with the fate of the ACA up in the air? I keep saying, this is such a first world problem and I’m so lucky to have what I have. And it’s true. But guys, I feel like I’m going to have a nervous breakdown and being at work is such a huge factor.
I feel crazy to do this but then I get on my social media and I have 6 friends who are literally living this dream right now. My city is rich with culture and it is possible to be a successful artist. I believe I have the talent.
- We cannot survive on my husband’s income alone right now, but we could survive on less (so if I am not quite making what I make now it would be ok).
- I have a “gimmick” that sells really well, to the point that I have to turn down commissions because I can’t physically do them. When I seek out the commissions, they come. This might run its course but it’s not like I’m starting from nowhere.
- I have a really wide variety of skills that translate well to freelance - practical stuff like architectural drafting/design, and graphic design/illustration. Then, there’s stuff that work well here - crafts and costumes and general art. I am not limited to just paintings.
Sometimes I don’t think I’m cut out for a salaried/9-5 situation, and that makes me feel like a failure. Last time I was in one I spiraled into a depression at about the 1 year mark - and in that case, the job itself was fine. It really eats at me.
Ugh. Someone make decisions for me. Or, better yet, slap me and make me happy with my life as is.