So, against my better logic, I have actually put myself on OKCupid for real again. I did so the day after Ex told me of kissing some woman and after he spent the week after our break-up asking to be best friends. I did it mostly as a curiosity. Not really expecting anyone to intrigue me. But I found at least one man who does. It’s too early to know how much potential that there really is there. And I’m slowly rolling out the disability info that might be deemed too much by someone. But just incase....

I know I just had a breakup. I know I truly loved my ex or who I thought my ex was. Conventional wisdom would say that I shouldn’t be dating now. And probably not for at least half a year. But maybe it is wrong for once. Maybe I am over him enough. Hours after that critical piece of information was imparted to me by him, I felt only anger and derision It was like a switch got flipped inside me.

So I have been thinking of ways to test myself. Make sure that the love is gone without actually talking to or seeing my ex. Today I unblocked him on Facebook so I could see what I could of his profile again. Things from when he didn’t have ptivacy settings and things that were just us. I saw the slightly risqué photos that he took of me at Valentines during our early days and saw his profile picture that he never changes. I felt nothing. No sadness, no anger, no want. Just the same as if I look at someone that I barely know.

I have other tests in mind. Have my cousin take me to some nature place that I associate with my ex. Watch a show that we watched together. I’m open to more ideas too, if anyone has any.

So far, so good though!

EDIT: I do understand rebound and other concerns that’s why I’m testing myself some before anything. But I am also slower with online dating than most people. Previously, it was two months since first message to first kiss. I probably won’t try to meet anyone until at least September. I am slow. But if I get there, I want to already know that I am indeed over things. Hence the tests.

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As far as, non dating goes....I signed up for a class a couple weeks ago. I am resuming my normal good daily habits. I downloaded bumble and then picked the bff choice. I hope I am swiping in the proper direction. I was going to and still will suggest a gt meetup. Been thinking some other things.

And I do let myself feel my emotions probably more than most people do. If anything is masking them, it is non dating distractions and my anti-depressants. And if I use the distractions too much, it is probably due to always being pressured to become happy and rarely being literally alone.