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Texts From the Yellow Wallpaper

Those of you who read the Hairpin will remember Mallory Ortberg's Texts from... series, if you haven't there's Texts from Don Quixote, Texts from Pride and Prejudice, and my favorite: Texts from Little Women.

Now she's put a new one up for the Toast! GO READ IT.

I couldn’t help but notice
that the gate at the top of the stairs was ajar
which suggests to me
that a certain someone
has been going downstairs
can you think of who that might be?
Oh dear
Oh John, I’m sorry
I called for you but you weren’t at home
no one was home
and I was so thirsty
you know that going downstairs makes you hysterical
I know
It’s called a rest cure, darling
Not a going downstairs cure
How right you are
you’d better stay in bed this time
or someone’s going to lose her sitting up in bed privileges
I’m sorry
little goose


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