I spent today, well part of it thinking about what I read last night then again late afternoon.
I think I was wrong. A commentator made an interesting point. It stuck in my craw and realized then an now its correct. I am applying my knowledge as an adult onto my 16 year old self.
I keep thinking who was I at 16. Obviously younger, thinner and most importantly had a full head of hair. But that says what I appeared as.
I was not a stupid kid. Oddly a bit more independent. I was sexually a very naive kid. Although I knew naked people in magazines meant porn (not National Geographic a readily available magazine at the school). I remember at 17 in a Catholic Church function there was a married couple in their 20s the husband , not the swiftest guy I ever met, blurted out about oral sex and I asked “whats that”. I was told “never mind” and a laugh.
Although maybe ignorant is a better word then naive. Sex was never discussed at home in terms of educatio, well a few in retrospect bad lessons. When I went to the movies with my mother or grandmother pre10 they would move my hands over my eyes during a sex or nude scene. Even through high school they insisted I shut my eyes. No wonder I always go to movies by myself now.
One bad lesson I leant from my grandmother was “women hate sex they have sex because its what is expected when married”. Sometimes I wonder if in college with my girlfriend who I knew since grade school if I was utterly not affectionate due to that lesson which I heard countless times. Although I also discovered when my girlfriend held my hand I dislike being touched that may also have played a part. We were not an affectionate family in terms of touching.
Sometimes I wonder how much not liking being touched was psychological (when she held my hand) not physical.
Looking back my grandmother who I utterly loved to me she was also my second mother taught me a lot of bad lessons that still have some sway. Another post for that.
I am clearly off tangent. I wrote this partly for you but also for me putting stuff into context.
Adults in the school failed all of us. Not educationally they did prepare me and others for college and how science is for science class and religion is for religion class. I will give them credit for that. Yet there was a dark side,.a dark side that only truly came to life decades later. Now I look back and somethings make sense. Like what I wrote yesterday. I just never pieced it together.
I like to think the Catholic and other sex scandals taught young people to be able to make the link I missed and to be more aware that because a Brother or Priest claims they are “men of God” they could be sexual predators. I hope these scandals taught them this.
Thank you all again for your good caring advice.