I read everyone's replies to my previous post. I unfortunately don't have the time to respond individually, as much as I'd like to, and I'm also feeling pretty drained emotionally, so I'd like to just write a short post here instead.
First of all, thanks to everyone to responded. Seriously, the support is incredible, especially considering the circumstances. I appreciate everyone's wisdom, commiseration, and advice.
I'll reiterate what I said in my post. I know it sounds extremely stupid for me to be saying that I still believe in this relationship. I know. I have only written here about the hard times.
I've been working hard on thinking things through and being as self reflective as possible. I'm at a point where I trust myself fully. I know that right now I believe that things can get better. I know that I trust myself to know if/when it should end.
As terrible as he's been in a lot of different ways, there have been certain things that he has said and done that do make me think he is willing to do better. It's just been really hard. It's not as simple as, he's being hard headed or holding out on me on purpose.
I know I want it, and I know I think it's worth it. I just don't know if he's going to think it's worth it anymore. So all I can do now is wait.
Thanks for being there, GT.