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Thanksgiving Can Suck A Million

My birthday is on a terrible day. Not for any specific unholy reasons but just because it is always inconvenient or unpleasant or uneventful. I don't want to sound oh woe is me about it but these past few years have just been a drag and I'm coming to terms with the fact that I will probably never have a great birthday so just hear me out on the reasons.

My birthday is the second day of December. It usually falls within a week of Thanksgiving and more often than not, for a decade now, it has fallen within the same weekend. And since all the divorce in my family makes holidays extra weird, we often celebrate Thanksgiving later on the weekend than on the actual day. Because my birthday is in December, it seems to be shocking that it's so soon after the holiday to everyone but me every year. It's like Groundhog Day, the same thing keeps happening over and over. I have grown to hate Thanksgiving and dream of moving to Canada where a full month can separate this stupid holiday from my birthday.


Also, because it is a December birthday, and I'm sure all you Decemberists can relate; people often sandwich it in with Christmas (or Hanukkah or just the yuletide season for any non-Christians) which means I do not get a special present for my special day but a Christmas/Birthday present nearly a month later. This might sound petty and selfish, but people with birthdays in any other damn month of the year never experience this so why should I? Why should anyone? It's fucking rude and if you do this to anyone, you are rude and I will judge you. Even if your birthday is on Christmas, you deserve your own gift aside from your holiday gift. Everyone does. It's like the entire month of December has been designated as Christmas month and anyone born then gets second fiddle to a dead magician. It ain't right. Give us back December! Jesus would have wanted us to enjoy our birthdays!

Not only that but my birthday also happens to be two weeks after my sister's birthday and my aunt and late uncle's birthday. And of course because theirs are always before Thanksgiving everyone remembers theirs. But because mine falls on such a weird time, mine has been forgotten or almost forgotten a few times, while theirs is usually a big extravaganza.

And moving on to my school years; the first week of December is never a vacation week. So there has always been school. In college, it was usually finals week so no one really wanted to celebrate. Especially since it was just Thanksgiving remember? No one has time for me on my day. Or people are out of town or have family obligations. So any birthday parties in college just didn't happen and my birthdays in grade school through high school were cold and lame.

Speaking of cold, how lame is it to have a not-quite-fall-but-not-quite-winter birthday? Very lame! It's cold but there is no snow, usually rainy and wet, all the leaves have fallen and are gross and soggy. I moved to southern California almost 3 years ago and my first birthday here I was so excited that I would finally have a warm weather birthday! This was my dream! Do you know how many years I spent wishing I had a summertime birthday where I could have a pool party or do something outdoors that wasn't utterly undesirable??? Do you want to know what happened on my first SoCal birthday? It fucking rained. It was cold—okay cold for SoCal so like 50 degrees Fahrenheit but still! It was fucking rainy and cold in a place known to be 75 and sunny year round! I had planned to have a me-day where I'd spend time outside by myself, go for a hike or maybe the beach, spend the day outside. Instead I attempted to go to a pre-screening of a movie I didn't even want to see and didn't get in and then walked around in the cold drizzle with a "friend" of mine who I don't think I've spoken to since (and I'm not too broken up about it, he was trying to get in my pants). Last year my birthday was on cyber Monday. Nothing really happened. I went to work, it was kinda chilly, not sunny, I got my tortoise that day, but that was something I specifically planned to cheer myself up, knowing that day would probably drag me down.


The past two years all I've wanted is to just be alone in some nice weather and that just hasn't happened. People keep trying to convince me or motivate me to get excited for my birthday but it's never gonna be exciting. I don't want it to be. I want it to be like every other day so I can stop having expectations. Once again, Thanksgiving will fall on the same weekend as my birthday and it'll probably be cold and I will probably go home alone, maybe give Duke Shellington a piece of fruit to celebrate our anniversary because he has been the only man in my life for the past year, and I don't even officially know if that is the correct gender of my tortoise really so maybe he's a she, or maybe Duke Shellington is an evil robot spying on me! I have no idea! Birthdays suck!

Call me a Scrooge, but Thanksgiving and Christmas have been ruining everything for almost 25 years now and I'm just sick of it!

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