Oh Yeezus. I really hated my trip up north. Here's the drama and reasons for my exhaustion:
- Day 1: The yearly blowout between me and my mom. This one was different. Circumstances lead me to express true feelings (Not an attack) I have-the anger, the way I hate being the butt of 'jokes', etc. She and I broke down, after her 'cold shoulder' attempt. I SERIOUSLY had to tell her that, despite everything, I really do love her. Seriously. She said she thought I didn't. Look, no matter what, I love my mom. Then it was ok between us.
- Day 1 Continued: Turns out my uncle has cancer. My parents went crazy. I felt bad, yeah, but I also felt apathetic. Talked to the doc about it the other day-but I was all "Stop making a fuss! He's going to be fine!" Turns out he's had it for 14 years. Also my dad told me my aunt-married to the uncle-had a miscarriage. THAT IS SAD AS FUCK. I honestly didn't want to know that. I sound callous about my feelings, but I don't see these people often. I love them, but that leads into day 2...
- Day 2: We had to go to 'Pre-Thanksgiving' which was when my uncle was going to tell his kids/my brother (Who is really close to him) that he has cancer. This is where I sound half bitch and half honest. I was forced to go, but told my mom that I react to situations like this with humor, and the darker, the more it becomes gallows humor. That's how I cope. She accepted that, but I ended up kinda making a 'joke' because I have a big mouth. I regretted it. Mostly I was pissed that we had to go up, because I was sleepy and it's fucking depressing. I'm a bitch, I know.
- Thanksgiving: Ok, I guess. We still had the cancer thing hanging over our heads. But the food was good and I got lots of pictures with my brother. We ran out of booze though. I'm selfish, but it was what was getting me through.
- Day 4: My moms fucking nutcase friend came over for dinner. The friend is going through a divorce. She ended up having too much wine and began going into details. I DO NOT CARE, I NEVER SEE YOU, AND I AM SORRY BUT IT'S NOT MY BUSINESS. I had three beers and two glasses of wine. I sound like a bitch but I DID NOT WANT TO DEAL WITH THAT SHIT.
- Day 5: Yet ANOTHER trip to see the family. This time it was an art exhibit I could care less about, and then a trek around the city. I was about to pass out because I was tired, but NOOOOO. We had to have ANOTHER depressing dinner. I was exhausted, and I was just...STOP, HE'S GOING TO BE FINE.
- Day 6: Stopped caring.
- Day 7: Airport. Store. Doc. Analyzed my feelings (On my trip, uncle, and another issue of rage that I don't think I can post because it...it's personal and has to do with a high school bully finding success she didn't earn [Because she's a fucking loser who cheated off of me, and that's just one example of her awfulness] in some fucking stupid thing that...I can't say what, but I want to drag her down to Hell and expose her for who she is.) and ate carbs. Drank a bit. Hate the carbs, because I need to be in tip-top shape for my birthday.
Oh, and the usual "What are you going to do with your life, and since you don't know, let me give you unsolicited advice even though you are frustrated and pissed off." shit. Oh, and my grandma is getting sicker and can't remember things.
I'm not going up for Christmas. Tickets are expensive, I'm saving up for a new iPad, and I can't handle more depressing shit.
Bitch rant out.