My best friend and I had a huge blow-out last night.
I've been seeing a new man-friend lately. Last night my best friend wanted me to come over and hang out with her while she was doing shrooms for the first time, and I told her that as much as I love her, I really don't want to be around that and that I had plans with man-friend anyway. She took it as flaking on her and send me this big long thing at 3am:
"You know what? I'm not even going to do this. I'm gonna be fucking honest with you, I'm pissed. You say you care about me and I told you I needed you here and you didn't show up to fuck some guy you've already been fucking. You know I understand you've been caught up in your shit and really stressed out but this is really shitty of you. I thought I was actually important to you and you know when I ask you to be here and tell you I want you here, I thought you might actually show up. I'm just really fucking disappointed you did this to me because I wouldn't ditch you like that for any fucking dude. It has really seemed like you've been way more wrapped up in yourself lately and this is kind of the final hit in the nail. Like I said, I get that you're stressed so that's why I've been trying not to take it personally, but you know this kinda sucks. I just didn't expect you to flake on me for a guy who isn't even your boyfriend. I haven't gotten laid in way longer, and I wouldn't do this to you. Believe it or not I've been pretty fucking stressed out too and I feel like I can't even talk to you about it at all because you're always so frazzled and upset and it sucks because it was nice feeling like I could talk to you about shit but this just really fucking hurts on top of that."
I'm kind of reeling from this whole thing. Let me fill you guys in, in case you don't know, why I'm always frazzled and upset: I'm getting a divorce, I have three jobs one of them being a stripper, I'm in school full-time, I live with my parents, I'm in debt up to my eyeballs from my ex, and you know pretty much just everything that could go wrong.
Also I'm pretty pissed that she would say I'm not here for her when just a couple weeks ago I managed to take time out of my schedule to help her move her apartment with my car and my gas until 2 or 3 in the morning for 5 nights in a row. Then let her sleep in my bed at my parents house for 2 weeks while she got her new place set up. Which it was kind of a hassle to get home from the strip club at 4am smelling like gross dudes and fireball and have someone taking up the entirety of my bed.
I know she's been off her meds lately, so I'm trying not to take what she's saying too personally, but I never expected her to say all of this to me. She's been nothing but a shining example of a supportive best friend and I just felt like I was being attacked. She's been my rock, and I've been hers. I'm kind of in shock.