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Just wanted to check in after my panic attack post from yesterday. :/

So I spent an hour on the phone with a friend last night and she let me cry out all of my irrational anxious thoughts and reassured me, NO not everyone hates you, NO I don’t think Boyfriend has any designs on abandoning you, YES this is the drugs talking, YES you will be okay, NO you’re not actually losing your mind. I had frantically texted another friend shortly after and she met me for dinner after that and remarked that she hadn’t seen me so keyed up in a very long time, and she also reassured me and kept me distracted by talking movie trivia with me for awhile. Then, because my mind was still buzzing by the time I got home, yet another friend called me around 10 and we talked for maybe 90 minutes about various things to help me stay distracted. I am extremely lucky to have really good people around me to call on.

Anyway, I had to use my inhaler before bed which wasn’t great because the albuterol made my heart race even further, but I just laid in bed and tried to watch arrested development for awhile to drown out my thoughts. Then, I got online and started looking up the various side effects and half life of Prednisone to get some idea of when I could expect some relief from the steroid-craziness. I know I’d probably heard or read this before, but Prednisone mimics the stress hormone cortisol in your system and causes adrenal fatigue, and I was taking 40mg a day for a week. It just suddenly snapped into place, like “no wonder I feel like I’ve been awake for four day straight crying my eyes out and my emotions have been on a hair trigger. I’m pumping ridiculous amounts of synthetic stress hormones. Duh. No wonder I had an intense panic attack for the first time in 4ish years that seemed to come out of nowhere/was spurned on by something fairly inconsequential.” I had a really hard time sleeping last night, then I got up this morning to meet with my friend the nurse practitioner who talked me off the ledge on the phone yesterday. I feel better today, my heart is still fluttering and I’m still having all of these physical symptoms of anxiety but I feel that I’m better able to put them in the correct context now, and my thoughts aren’t racing like they were yesterday.

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Plans for today include trying to catch up on sleep, distracting myself with netflix and duolingo, and drinking a ton of water and cranberry juice to try and flush the steroids out of my system.

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