Just wanted to check in after my panic attack post from yesterday. :/
So I spent an hour on the phone with a friend last night and she let me cry out all of my irrational anxious thoughts and reassured me, NO not everyone hates you, NO I don’t think Boyfriend has any designs on abandoning you, YES this is the drugs talking, YES you will be okay, NO you’re not actually losing your mind. I had frantically texted another friend shortly after and she met me for dinner after that and remarked that she hadn’t seen me so keyed up in a very long time, and she also reassured me and kept me distracted by talking movie trivia with me for awhile. Then, because my mind was still buzzing by the time I got home, yet another friend called me around 10 and we talked for maybe 90 minutes about various things to help me stay distracted. I am extremely lucky to have really good people around me to call on.
Anyway, I had to use my inhaler before bed which wasn’t great because the albuterol made my heart race even further, but I just laid in bed and tried to watch arrested development for awhile to drown out my thoughts. Then, I got online and started looking up the various side effects and half life of Prednisone to get some idea of when I could expect some relief from the steroid-craziness. I know I’d probably heard or read this before, but Prednisone mimics the stress hormone cortisol in your system and causes adrenal fatigue, and I was taking 40mg a day for a week. It just suddenly snapped into place, like “no wonder I feel like I’ve been awake for four day straight crying my eyes out and my emotions have been on a hair trigger. I’m pumping ridiculous amounts of synthetic stress hormones. Duh. No wonder I had an intense panic attack for the first time in 4ish years that seemed to come out of nowhere/was spurned on by something fairly inconsequential.” I had a really hard time sleeping last night, then I got up this morning to meet with my friend the nurse practitioner who talked me off the ledge on the phone yesterday. I feel better today, my heart is still fluttering and I’m still having all of these physical symptoms of anxiety but I feel that I’m better able to put them in the correct context now, and my thoughts aren’t racing like they were yesterday.
Plans for today include trying to catch up on sleep, distracting myself with netflix and duolingo, and drinking a ton of water and cranberry juice to try and flush the steroids out of my system.