It's that time of year again! Where Drew Margery gets a big ol' glass of haterade out and browses through a catalog of mostly really awesome shit to pick out the ridiculous items and put them on display for our collective consumer holiday shame. Which is fun and all. But FUCK THAT NOISE. Here's my list of IWANTIT from this years Williams-Sonoma Catalog.
To start off, for all of you non-gentiles out there, this year's holiday catalog features a number of NICE ASS Hanukkah items.
Check this gorgeous fucking tablecloth out:
They even made some Hanukkah crackers! (Which I'm 100% positive were not a thing until Williams-Sonoma decided they should be.) But who doesn't like goddamn crackers? Only fools. Everyone wants $1 flashlights/compasses and colorful paper hats.
Moving forward into Christmas things.
I featured this last year, but it is worth mentioning twice. BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING BEAUTIFUL AND AWESOME AND I BET IT SMELLS DELICIOUS. This classy as fuck bay leaf wreath.
Here's this year's runner up for wreaths. IT'S JUST MADE OUT OF PERFECT TINKLING SILVER BELLS. IT'S BEAUTIFUL AND CHARMING AND WOULD BE PERFECT FOR YOUR PERFECT RED DOOR ON YOUR PERFECT HOUSE. (None of which I have. But if I did, it would go right there.)
Speaking of perfect houses with perfect little red doors to hang your perfect fucking wreath on (and yes, this was a perfect segue to our next item) IT'S A GODDAMN GINGERBREAD ESTATE.
IS THIS COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY AND WASTEFUL, YOU'RE FUCKING RIGHT IT IS. But that doesn't mean it's not beautiful and fabulous and perfect! On a different note, I don't know how the fuck they deliver something like this to you. (And more to the point, all of this just means I'm incredibly lazy, and would never put the obvious hours of work that went into making this.)
And you know what, while we're here, just give me ALL OF THIS DELICIOUS FUCKING COOKIES WILLIAMS-SONOMA.
Fuckin' tasty ass peppermint bark cookies:
Delicious little morsel toffee bites:
HOLY MARY MOTHER OF GOD, LOOK AT THESE BLESSED FUCKING TOASTED MARSHMALLOW S'MORE COOKIES.
I don't even know what the fuck peppermint platino means, but GIVE IT TO ME.
And to top this whole shit storm off, they have this most perfect, and classy poinsetta cake, all of which needs to be in my mouth right now.
You win Williams-Sonoma. If I had one gazillion dollars, I'd probably give the entire shit load of cash directly to you to live in a house designed by you.