I lay here in Wisconsin having just taken my first step into treatment for ADHD.

My appointment yesterday was pretty bipolar with massive lows and medium highs. I had prepared for it (describing low moods and introducing the idea of ADHD without hyperactivity) with summary of events rehearsed and select pages of this book dog eared. I'm only 40 so pages in but those pages and what I've heard from YOU GTers who have shared your stories, I've seen some remarkable similarities.

I'm on my first day of a time release pill and I'm hopeful. I'm hopeful that SOmETHING will change and frankly that's better than the boring depression I've been in.

It's bizarre to have a pill I'm on so regulated. It was in the friggin' safe! I've never sold my klonopin before but thought that must be up there with regulated prescriptions. Nope. Apparently that's nothing since I can't even get a refill on this new shit.

The idea of coming up to Wisconsin to get more of this medication is kinda nauseating right now. Or that's the swamp gas that the house I'm staying at is FILLED WITH! (More in next paragraph) But hopefully by May, Husband will be in Chicago and we'll have new insurance or perhaps something off the exchange. It's a lot of iffs right now but I'm deciding not to focus on them.

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Back to the hospitable house arrest I'm under! And a dog that will pee outside but poop behind the table. And cats. And a crazy landlady/couple who got pissed off when the renter had a friend staying over for a few days and smoked cigarettes on the front porch. Therefore, the renter now believes that no one can smoke outside. And that there are cameras hidden in the dilapidated farm equipment watching her and me if I dare to smoke outside even if it's out of view of the landlords' house.

OH! If you think crossing over to the other side of the interstate might solve the problem since it's public land, NOPE! When I did THAT this morning, the landlords' two dogs came running to my dog IN THE MIDDLE OF TRAFFiC!!!! I got the dogs to go back up but FUCK if this feels comfortable as I sit here waiting for pills to work and for Husband so we can drive home.

That said, I'm very grateful for having a place to stay AND most importantly for Husband to stay during the week. I just think that both he and the renter deserve more than a house where thing upon thing stops working or becomes more "quaint old farmhouse" that actually is imploding on itself.

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I know I could tell my mom what the situation is and she would urge and help with a hotel room. But I also feel kinda stuck up or elitist criticizing all of this. OMG THOUGH! SWAMP GAS IN NOT WELL VENTILATED AREAS!!!!

Repeating to myself, "very grateful very grateful very grateful." Thinking of focusing my HEALTH! YEA! choices on obeying the ridiculous rules of Husband's friend. A very very nice friend.

So yeah! That's a jumble! But I'm on my phone so editing is messy and complicated!

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Good morning folks!!!