OK, this post will probably poof in a couple of days, because I’m going to expose the petty, jealous side of me that I wish didn’t exist.
One of SehjMan’s close friends and his wife are having a baby any day now. A few days ago, we both got an e-mail linking to a calendar where we could sign up to bring them dinner or to come see the baby and bring it gifts. I was a little perplexed by the gift part, because I went to her very well-attended baby shower back in May where everyone brought a gift (actually 2, because they requested a book in lieu of a card, and I consider that a gift in and of itself). Anyway, it just seemed odd to me that gifts would even be mentioned, because most people already gave a gift and for those that wanted to bring a gift, it seems logical that they would bring one when they meet the baby.
ANYWAY, when I saw the email, I kind of nope-d out of it. I don’t like cooking, I’m not good at it, I have a super busy schedule and I’m in the process of trying to carve out a little constructive “me” time (as opposed to working like crazy and then zoning out for 2 hours in front of the TV). But today, for some reason, I went to look at the sign-up, thinking maybe I could do it for a Saturday night or something. Nope. They only have slots for weeknights, (like, not that the weekends are already taken, like they don’t exist) which is pretty much impossible for me because I work until 7:30ish usually.
But, while I was at the website I looked around a little. They basically have a bunch of options of their favorite meals from different restaurants. So basically, we’re all signing up to buy them dinner? This REALLY rubs me the wrong way. They make/have a boatload of money. We don’t.
For their wedding, they had a “HoneyFund” that I refused to contribute to (In the one year they had been dating, the had already done a ski vacation, beach vacation, and Europe vacation. I had never been on a vacation)*
So then I thought, well, maybe we’ll just sign up to go visit the baby. She wrote me a really genuine thank you note for the baby blanket I crocheted and gave to her at the shower, so certainly they won’t be expecting another present. Also, they know SehjMan has been unemployed for 2.5 years and I’m in grad school, so I’m sure they would understand us not buying them dinner.
So, I hovered over the slots for baby visitation. Weekdays 2-4pm. Sorry, I’m not taking off work to come see your kid.
I totally understand that in the first months, they want time to bond as a new little family. I would not be at all offended if they didn’t want visitors at all during this time. But now I just feel bad all around...like I won’t make the effort to go see the kid, and I won’t help out the stressed new parents by making dinner time easy.
So, in general, I’m just feeling whiny and petty, and I don’t even know who I’m annoyed with because the email came from one of the mom’s friends who I’ve only met a handful of times (although both parents were cc-ed on the email).
*Writing that out makes me feel so gross. I know that gifts should be based on happiness, not “I won’t give you this because I can’t have the same thing myself.” I think a big part of this comes from the fact I was raised in a low income family, while SehjMan and all of his friends were at least middle class, if not rich.
ETA: I know the right thing to do is just ignore the email...it was obviously meant to help the people who wanted to do those things coordinate, and if that doesn’t apply to me I should just let it go.....