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Illustration for article titled The Best of the Very Worst: Dickishness from my MP Experience

First off, bless your heart Burt Reynolds for sharing my Pet Peeves post to the MP. I know, I know: if I didn't want it shared, I should have said so, but seriously? Out of everything I've ever written on GP and elsewhere, I never in a million years expected that little exercise in stream-of-consciousness writing to have gotten shared to the flippin' MP. I always thought it was kind of ludicrous to have to start everything off one shares on GT with "DON'T MAINPAGE," but now I'm gonna have to get in the habit of doing just that. Cuz ya never know what's gonna end up on the mainpage :P.


Oh, and just in case: DO NOT MAINPAGE THIS.

Second, as is to be expected, I got my fair share of trolls, dicks, and assorted assholes. I got heavily acquainted with the dismiss button, but after awhile, dismissing just becomes an exercise in futility. I suppose it's nothing personal. Some idiots just want the attention, and they'll stop at nothing to get it.


*sigh* So let's get started cuz I'm dying to share these!

By far, the most common complaint I got was some variation of:

OMG NO 1 CURR!!!!!



Ja, if you don't care, then why'd you click on the article, dumb ass? As to why this is relevant? Beats the hell out of me. Go ask Burt.


As for the rest of the comments:

I don't understand why someone disliking Mexican food annoys you. I hate Mexican food, not because it "gives me the runs" I just don't like it.


To borrow an aforementioned phrase: OMG NO 1 CURR.

Umm, what? Are these really things to get bent out of shape about? Some of this stuff is mildly offensive and ignorant but a lot of people haven't been exposed to authentic Mexican food so they want cheddar cheese? Who gives a rip? And number 7? Ok, so some ignorant old woman (one woman) made an ignorant comment. Laugh, maybe educate and move on already. I've seen plenty of Mexican stereotypes in my life and know there's plenty to be offended about, but olives? Come on. Someone eats Mexican food and says it give them an upset stomach and that pisses you off? Why? It's perfectly legitimate to assume if there are beans in the dish or a rich sauce that it might not agree with everyone. Choose your battles.


Thank you, nice internet stranger, for mansplaining what I can and cannot write about.

Here, have an Arrested Development gif, on the house:



This was quite lame

Yeah, yeah, take it up with Burt.

I am half Mexican, my mom, her four sisters, two brothers, and father are all from Mexico, and we all say Tamale.


Good for you, now you're aware that YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG. I betcha this eejit doesn't even speak Spanish.

I live in an area less than an hour away from the border and over 40% of the people here are Mexican. My experiences COMPLETELY differ from yours and I am glad to say no has ever asked me about my consumption of tortillas based on the way I look ( im pretty sure that's just racist anywhere).


OH. MY. GOD. I have gotten so many variations of this, particularly the "YOU'RE WRONG BECAUSE I'M FROM TEXAS, WHERE THE *REAL* MEXICANS ARE FROM."

It's nice to see that my point about not making generalizations based on one person's experience (which was number 4 or 5 on the list, where I talk about how Gustavo Arellano annoys me) was embraced by so many people! [sarcasm]


No shit, Sherlock. I *know* my experiences are different than yours AND THAT'S OK.


Somebody complains about something!

Finally! Someone makes a sarcastic remark on an internet message board! Wonders will never cease!

No sorry to disappoint but technically or otherwise you are not a white girl. Put simply, when you mix white with anything you don't end up with white.


Thanks for the heads up. Where'd you learn that, AT YOUR KLAN MEETING?!


It bugs me when someone gets pissy that people can't speak a language they can't speak. This is how words are formed and adapted through borrowing and it has been going on since people could speak. And I say this as someone who speaks several languages. Get over it.


Fuck off. Just because someone doesn't speak a language or isn't native to a language, that doesn't mean they cannot be corrected on their pronunciation. You must be really shitty at all the languages you speak because CORRECTION OF MISTAKES IS HOW ONE LEARNS. Dumb ass.

I don't get pissy when my German friend corrects my pronunciation of "entschuldigen sie" or when my Taiwanese friend corrects my horrid, horrid pronunciation of words in Mandarin.



"11. "You identify as Chicano, right? You don't?!" — Nope. Not Chicana. That's just not my experience. Sure, I've lived long enough in the States to be more "Americanized" than your average person from my hometown in Mexico, but I'm not a Chicana."

Being European this whole "identification" thing on Americans feels so weird to me. Quick guideline, if you have never lived in a country you probably shouldn't be out there saying you're from there.

Heck, over here most second generation migrants sound and dress indistinguishably from the natives. It feels very strange to assume that races have speech patterns associated to them. You only get there if you segregate and separate so strongly that people don't have the opportunity to mingle and learn from each other. Maybe if everyone stopped being so proud and protective of their ancestry things would get a bit more fluid.

I'm not saying you shouldn't know about it or like it, but it may be time to get over the colonial obsession with origin.




"First off, Mexico is an incredibly diverse place, and as much as he and I come from (or have parents who come from) the same country, that doesn't mean he and I have had the same experiences, and I really don't appreciate anyone attempting to speak on behalf of all Mexicans. Contrary to popular belief, we are not a monolith. Imagine a Californian or an Arizonan who has never even set foot in New England attempting to speak about the cultural experiences of the average Bostonian or New Canaanite. Yeah, it's like that."

I really don't appreciate anyone attempting to undermine the legitimacy of someone's identification as Mexican, especially by the use of horrible analogies. Arellano is a Mexican who grew up in a city with the highest concentration of Mexicans outside of the country. He is not communicating your experience of Mexico and that's okay. But you claiming that he is not qualified to speak about "Bostonians" as a "Californian" is not. You are no more Mexican than he is, which, to make it clear, is what you are communicating by your analogy. And it actually works to contradict your pluralistic take on Mexican identity that you start with in the citation above.

From one Mexican to another, I appreciated the rest of your piece and the work it's doing. This section in question just irked me a bit. Oh, and I grew up calling them burritos (food), and I don't think I've ever seen a burro (transportation) outside of a petting zoo in my life!


Except I never questioned Arellano's identification as a Mexican to begin with, so your entire premise is flawed. Bitch.


You know what pisses me off? Spics who refer to white people as gringos & gauchos!


Eat shit and die.

Oh, and "gaucho" is the Argentine Spanish word for cowboy, ya dumb shit.


so fucking what, get over yourself



White is a race. Hispanic is an ethnicity. Some Hispanic individuals are white. Some Hispanic individuals are not. Hispanic, as an ethnicity, is a separate designation on medical and census forms. Although I roll my eyes at the idea that anyone can "sound" like his color. Anyone who says that to you should be punched in the face.

So much of this is wonderfully educational. I was lucky enough to have a Guatemalan roommate in college whose mother lived in town and made us outrageous homemade tamales once a month, some savory and some sweet. They were manna from heaven.

I understand being annoyed that cuisine becomes subject to "Americanization." I think this is a separate irritation from basic ignorance of Mexican history or culture. As you mention in other threads, Americans should know that Cinco de Mayo is not the same holiday as Grito de Dolores. That should be taught as basic history of North America as well as a nod to our common history as nations asserting their independence from European nations.

However, much as it may bother you that people consider burritos Mexican food, cannot properly refer to tamales in the singular, and put olives on food in general, unless someone is trying to tell you how to do Mexican food properly I'm not sure how these manage to be pet peeves. I can't tell you what your personal pet peeves are. But assuming people aren't being assholes while they're ordering a "tamale" or putting olives and cheddar cheese on Americanized Mexican-inspired food, is it really that huge of a thing? Is a national educational campaign necessary, or can you just say, as my Chinese American cousins (I have 8) do once in a while, "that isn't actually Chinese food, it's just an Americanized interpretation" when asked dumb questions?

Few, if any, regions of the world have escaped Americanization in the restaurant industry. Our concepts of most countries' cuisines are absurd and inauthentic derivations: simplified, carb-laden, over-sugared, over-salted, and if possible made portable. I'm annoyed, for my own country of origin. I appreciate that you are as well, but you and I both don't have the energy to be upset and correct people. I don't even have the desire. Fuck it. Bon appetit. The melting pot menu includes burritos, cheddar cheese and olives optional.

Side note: Gravity in 3D is a fucking masterpiece!!

Bully. Another mansplainer (Mexosplainer?). "I have a Guatemalan roommate and I know Cinco de Mayo is not Mexican Independence Day, so I am completely qualified to tell you what can and cannot bother you as a Mexican."


Yeah, no.

Also, "Grito de Dolores" is not a holiday. It is the *ritual* performed on Independence Day to commemorate the call to arms that began the War of Independence. Didn't your Guatemalan roommate teach you anything?! [sarcasm]



hot tamale, hot tamale, hot tamale. tasty burritos, tasty burritos, get over yourself!


Go fuck yourself with razorblades.


A.) if this is the extent of your complaints you must be a very privileged person of Mexican descent.

B.) I am going out on a limb here to say that your Spanish is most likely far from fluent. No way are you reading GGM in its original format. You can relax on other people's lack or knowledge of the language. If you are the second coming of Rubén Darío, Amado Nervo and José Martí then my apologies.


Vete a chingar a tu abuela con un fierro bien oxidado, y cuando termines, se lo sacas y te me vas a chingar a tu madre. Vieja babosa.

Does that clarify the issue regarding my fluency in Spanish? Bitch.

*inhale* *exhale*

Boy, was that cathartic. If you made it through this, I thank you. Off I go, to do as Marc Anthony sings: I'm gonna live my life.

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