Welcome To The Bitchery
Welcome To The Bitchery

...is still worse than most mediocre versions of all other Christmas songs. Why does this thing have 13 million views? Things I felt while watching this video:

1. impressed by their arrangement/ability to make cool noises

2. confused by the blond dude's stupid hat and unusually small face

3. irritated when I realized I had been tricked into listening to The Little Drummer Boy because no matter how well done it is, it's still a horrible song

I actually maintain that this song is worse than The Christmas Shoes because people insist on acting like it doesn't suck. I have never actually heard The Christmas Shoes anywhere in real life. This is probably because 98% of musicians recognize that it's an awful song and so no one wants to cover it.


And yet every artist who puts out a Christmas album seems to find it necessary to include a version of The Little Drummer Boy and his godforsaken "rum ba bum bum"s. In my music collection alone, I have versions by:

  • Bob Dylan
  • Peggy Lee
  • Gary Hoey
  • Hayley Westenra
  • Roman Sebastien
  • Bing Crosby & David Bowie
  • Vandaveer
  • Tori Amos
  • Harry Connick, Jr

NINE. NINE versions of this song, all of them from various albums because like hell I bought any of them individually. NONE of them are good. NONE. David Bowie has the POWER OF THE VOODOO and he can't make it not suck.


So everyone just stop this nonsense. I don't care how good your a capella arrangement is. Put it to work on God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen or something worthwhile.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter