Did anybody else say something extremely regrettable over the holiday?
I sure did!
I visited Bonernator’s family for Christmas, meeting many of them for the first time. Overall, it was great! Everybody was super nice and kept telling him how much they love me, there was some great food, I got to snuggle with a new baby niece, all great stuff.
And then there’s his mother.
You guys. His mother.
Where do I even start? There’s just so much. His parents have been divorced for about 20 years now. His mom pretty much had to raise him and his sister on her own - commendable! That is no small thing! But in the ensuing years, she has become this incredibly self-absorbed person who takes and takes and takes, putting a huge strain on her family. She has a new boyfriend now, and it’s great that she’s found happiness, but good luck getting her to talk about or care about anything else. For example, her baby grandchildren. Or her dying father. Nope.
His father has since remarried and has two young daughters, 13 and 14, who Bonernator and I adore. They have elected to homeschool/’unschool’ the girls. Which, fine. Their life, their decision.
Over pizza one night, Bonernator and his sister were casually wondering aloud why they don’t see their paternal uncle’s kids anymore. Stuff like “they weren’t doing too well, I wonder what happened?”His mother interjects and says “I have some insight on this. I always emphasized education. Your dad’s family never did. Now look at those girls. Not even being able to read until the 3rd grade.”
Bonernator and his sister immediately told her to back off and that it wasn’t her business, but I just saw red, for a couple reasons:
1. How the fuck does that give you any “insight” on your former brother in law’s family? It has been twenty years since you’ve had a relationship with these people.
2. Those girls are CHILDREN. They did nothing to you. You have never met them and have no business disparaging them. The “not being able to read until 3rd grade” thing is patently false. Also, one of the girls has dyslexia, you gonna give her shit for that too?
3. “I always emphasized education.” Whatever, lady. Your daughter told me that she stayed with an abusive boyfriend in high school because his family would actually feed her, unlike you.
I have never been anything but nice to her, but when Bonernator and I were in the car later, I blew the fuck up.
“Your mother is unbelievable! She is repugnant! It makes me sick that she’s going to be my mother in law! It makes me sick that she’ll be our kids’ grandmother!”
Just on and on I ranted, saying really nasty shit. It was all said in anger, but it was all true nevertheless. He agrees with most of it, saying that she’s not an easy person to love. But she is his mother, she raised him, etc.
So I just feel bad. I hate this woman, but I love her son. I wanted to keep this all to myself but it was all just boiling inside. I shouldn’t have said any of it. You can’t take that stuff back.
No advice needed here. Share your Christmas oops!