Last weekend, Cute Boy Person announced that we'd done enough hanging out watching movies and fooling around for the whole evening. He was ready. He had worked himself up to it; we were going to start cleaning the kitchen. I said "Hell no, it's birthday weekend." So the day after my birthday, he started on the kitchen.

I spent the day after my birthday getting increasingly sicker, which culminated in being half-asleep on the couch, covered in hives, with a swollen throat. Finally, I realized that the problem was that I hadn't washed the product out of my hair the night before and took a shower. All better! But before I figured that out, I was being a lump on the couch while CBP attacked the kitchen. There was a sudden squeal....

CBP: I found a mouse!

Me: Did it try to eat you?

CBP: No but it ran towards me and then realized that I was a person and ran the other way.

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Me: Sorry my mouse tried to eat you.

CBP: I found some baby mice!

Me: Are they adorable? I'm getting my camera! Be right there!

CBP: Yeah, they're kind of adorable. But I think they might be dead. There's one.

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Cute Boy Person pointed to a baby mouse. Then he poked it.

CBP: Oh. He's alive. He just doesn't scurry.

Me: Awwwwww they're so teeny and cute!

CBP: They just don't run yet. Oh my god! Their eyes aren't open yet!

Me: Well no wonder they don't run yet. Can't see where they're going.

CBP: So what should I do with them?

Me: Not done taking pics yet.

Cute Boy Person picked them up with one hand and put them in the other. (He was wearing gloves.)

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Me: Awwwwwww lookit their widdle faces. Put them in the trash.

CBP: In the trash?

Me: They might have a nice life at the dump.

Cute Boy Person dropped them in the trash bag.

CBP: Well, you know you have at least one mouse left.

Me: I don't think mice spontaneously reproduce.

CBP: Well, you know you have at least two mice left.

Eventually, people dug through my trash. I wonder if they found baby mice.


CBP: I don't think John Wayne is doing very well.

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Me: NOES! HE'S AN AMERICAN!

I bolted up from the couch to rescue John Wayne, American, who is a bottle of whiskey. The bronze paint had been peed upon and part of his glorious mane had patina. I have removed most of the patina. I think John Wayne will survive. This is his before picture.


Now it is time to start doing my hair for Sexy Arthur Dent. Cute Boy Person has threatened to dress as "a douchebag."