I have finished my quest for the MA and now I’m supposed to be cleaning my house, playing with yarn and doing all those things i put off for the last couple of months while i focused on finishing. But so far, I haven’t done any of those things...
I am fighting random bounds of sadness for no real reason. I’m not doing a cycle of infertility treatments, so it’s not that. The only thing I can think of that is causing this ennui/’random bouts of the sads’ is the mountaintop experience. I’ve spent the last couple of years trying to get this thing done and through it all I got married, moved a couple of times, lost a gallbladder and this last semester was spent focused pretty much on my thesis. Which for me meant scrapping my original plan and starting from the beginning. So this past semester consisted of a lot of late nights and long days doing research. I was only able to do it because my husband was earning enough for me to not worry about working.
And now it’s over and done. I don’t have a job lined up and the plan was for me to take the summer off and do a couple of minor projects and focus on my health/weight. Work on the resume and a few other online projects and websites. But so far I haven’t done much. My bedroom still looks like a bomb went off, i did manage to get some order back into the front room. But once i stop moving, i get the sads. It’s not serious, i’m not having thoughts of self-harm, or going into a fail spiral. I just want to cry for no real reason.
A friend said she had a similar experience a couple of weeks after her wedding and honeymoon. She just got sad and cried for no real reason too. I eloped and promptly had surgery so I can’t compare it to getting married, but it does make sense that getting this degree is like getting married or having a baby. You spent a lot of time planning and preparing for this day and now it’s arrived and it’s now in the past. Mountain tops are great and terrible things, no?
I suspect my ADHD is also playing a role in this too. Since I’ve spent the last couple of months in hyperfocus and haven’t been able to visualize what i’m going to do next. For now though, i’m trying to focus on the present and all those little projects i’ve been meaning to do. But some days my emotions overwhelm my logic and i just give in and cry until it’s over. Which is a total privilege because i’m not trying to hold down and job and work through my emotions. I’ve been there and done that more times than i want to remember.
In the meantime, i’m having a lot of sympathy for Frank in this here video. I’m sure in the next couple of weeks i’ll find stasis and direction again. But for now i’m just trying to live through it and know that it’ll ease up in the coming weeks.
Has anyone else gone through this experience? How did you get through it?