Welcome To The Bitchery
Welcome To The Bitchery
This is a platform for User Generated Content. G/O Media assumes no liability for content posted by Kinja users to this platform.

The Day I Lost My Innocence

*Note #1: Due to the overcrowded field of 1000+ entrants for the Pissing Contest I decided to post to Crosstalk. While technically this isn’t the craziest lie I ever believed, it was the first time I realized people actually do lie to little kids*


*Note #2: In my rushed attempt at setting a scene, my piece will probably be tl;dr for some*

Location: Hartford, CT(1987)

My older brother(age 7) laying on stomach on the livingroom floor watching Saturday afternoon TV wrestling. I(age 6) am sitting sitting next to him playing with my doll. And somehow began to talk about Santa. Being the older brother, his sole role in life was to destroy any glint of hope or joy in my tiny little spirit. Here’s what transpired:


Me: I can’t wait ‘til santa comes!

Brother: You still believe in Santa? Santa isn’t real(laughing).

Me: What do you mean? He is real!

Brother: No he’s not!

Me: Yes he is! Stop it! (plug up ears with fingers to drown him out)

*enters dad*

Brother: Daddy...daddy! Tell “Shygurl” there’s no such thing as Santa!

Dad: (with a WTF screwface) Santa?!? There’s no such thing as Santa! He doesn’t exist. He’s a materialistic invention by the White man.(exits scene)


Me: (blink...blink blink).

*ripping noise in the background was the destruction of Shygurl’s innocence by 25%*

Share This Story

Get our newsletter