So, I’m working two jobs and this was the first week I worked both. I was so dead last night after getting out at 10:00 that I was near tears. There was enough work to keep me there until 11:00, but the manager let me go and I was out of there tout suite. I actually cried from exhaustion when I got home.

I don’t think I can do this. I’m basically working 50 hrs/wk with split shifts, neither of which are ideal on their own. I work an office job that I like M-F from 8:30am-2:30pm (eventually full time, I’m told), and 20 hrs in retail spread over three shifts (one full weekend day and two closing shifts). It’s only been a week, though, and I can’t help wondering if I’ll acclimate at some point. Then I wonder if it’s worth trying to acclimate for the $450/mo extra it provides. I might have been able to pull it off in my 20s, which is how old my co-workers are, but I’m going to be 40 next month and things really are different now.

I’m not deficient, I just have a shit-ton more responsibility than I did in my 20s. I have a daughter at a critical time in her development (12 years old and just diagnosed with ADHD), a partner I don’t see enough and when we do have time together one or both of us aren’t totally present, and a 95-year-old Nona with Alzheimer’s that I haven’t seen in a month. I also have medical and mental health issues that are manageable with “normal” hours and attention to self-care, but now are complicating factors.

My over-developed sense of guilt is also a factor. I don’t want to leave this place in the lurch. They’ve invested time and money getting me trained, I’ve done really well, and they’ve been encouraging and supportive. However, I was on the phone with a friend earlier today and she needs a part-time job. She’s older than I am, but doesn’t have the responsibilities I do and is a total machine at whatever she does. They would be lucky to have her.

The money issue just NAGS at me. It’s a sizeable chunk of change for me. So I go back and forth, and back and forth, and back and forth some more.

Signed,

Imprisoned by Cash