Now that I am engaged.
This has totally blown my mind. I am being treated like an adult. I am being listened to. Suddenly, people care if I want to own a house or what my career aspirations are - because no one gave a shit before, they just wanted to know whether Mr. Lover and I planned on getting married.
I think I was probably categorized as possible lifelong spinster by those who were overly concerned. I have always put little thought into marriage or a wedding - and people knew that about me, I think. I've always had long-term boyfriends, never an engagement.
So now that there is this massive surprise that I - YES ME - will be getting married, all the "adults" in my life (I'm 29) are finally treating me with the respect I should have had all along.
- My father has offered to help with a down payment on a house. I probably won't take this because a) he's a jackass and I don't want his money and b) I'm not ready to buy a house. But was it not a possibility I might want to buy a house as a sinful unmarried spinster?
- My mother is letting me make my own decisions without nagging me to death (this is new). I have much younger siblings and I have always felt that I was lumped in with them - being policed when I buy a pair of shoes, what I choose to do with my time, where I want to live, what car I buy. Suddenly, I am an adult and can make my own decisions, and there has been a clear change in how my mother speaks to me.
- My mother also has offered no opinions about how this wedding goes. She is usually the most opinionated, bossiest person in a room - disguised behind a veil of "I'm just helping you!" She basically has the stance, "you know what will make you happy so do what you want." She hasn't ever taken such a passive stance on anything. She said she's fine if we elope. WHAT?
- Suddenly, my father is supportive of my "idiotic" choice to be an artist. (Hint: I'm also mildly successful at it). I think his thought process is that now I'll have a man to support my art habit. Maybe he'll stop telling everyone I am an architect (I went to architecture school, briefly worked in the field and said fuck that - 4 years later he still tells people that I am an architect). But now? I am allowed to be an artist.
- This is the biggest one. My bosses (both married women) have offered me a raise and [potentially] benefits. When they presented this to me, they said, "now that you're settling down..." Because when I am single I don't need health insurance? Don't get me wrong - I am super grateful about this - I just know they looked at me like a kid before.
It's just...weird. It's a weird feeling. Nothing has changed with my peers - my siblings or my co-workers or my friends (because my marriage-obsessed friends of my past are really not part of my life anymore). Just the elder generation.
Because I am marry-able, I am worth listening to. I deserve to be paid like an adult. I deserve to make my own decisions. I might be a Person Who Owns a House. I'm allowed to buy shoes and use my time to paint.
Anyone have a similar experience?