Now that I am engaged.

This has totally blown my mind. I am being treated like an adult. I am being listened to. Suddenly, people care if I want to own a house or what my career aspirations are - because no one gave a shit before, they just wanted to know whether Mr. Lover and I planned on getting married.

I think I was probably categorized as possible lifelong spinster by those who were overly concerned. I have always put little thought into marriage or a wedding - and people knew that about me, I think. I've always had long-term boyfriends, never an engagement.

So now that there is this massive surprise that I - YES ME - will be getting married, all the "adults" in my life (I'm 29) are finally treating me with the respect I should have had all along.

  1. My father has offered to help with a down payment on a house. I probably won't take this because a) he's a jackass and I don't want his money and b) I'm not ready to buy a house. But was it not a possibility I might want to buy a house as a sinful unmarried spinster?
  2. My mother is letting me make my own decisions without nagging me to death (this is new). I have much younger siblings and I have always felt that I was lumped in with them - being policed when I buy a pair of shoes, what I choose to do with my time, where I want to live, what car I buy. Suddenly, I am an adult and can make my own decisions, and there has been a clear change in how my mother speaks to me.
  3. My mother also has offered no opinions about how this wedding goes. She is usually the most opinionated, bossiest person in a room - disguised behind a veil of "I'm just helping you!" She basically has the stance, "you know what will make you happy so do what you want." She hasn't ever taken such a passive stance on anything. She said she's fine if we elope. WHAT?
  4. Suddenly, my father is supportive of my "idiotic" choice to be an artist. (Hint: I'm also mildly successful at it). I think his thought process is that now I'll have a man to support my art habit. Maybe he'll stop telling everyone I am an architect (I went to architecture school, briefly worked in the field and said fuck that - 4 years later he still tells people that I am an architect). But now? I am allowed to be an artist.
  5. This is the biggest one. My bosses (both married women) have offered me a raise and [potentially] benefits. When they presented this to me, they said, "now that you're settling down..." Because when I am single I don't need health insurance? Don't get me wrong - I am super grateful about this - I just know they looked at me like a kid before.


It's just...weird. It's a weird feeling. Nothing has changed with my peers - my siblings or my co-workers or my friends (because my marriage-obsessed friends of my past are really not part of my life anymore). Just the elder generation.

Because I am marry-able, I am worth listening to. I deserve to be paid like an adult. I deserve to make my own decisions. I might be a Person Who Owns a House. I'm allowed to buy shoes and use my time to paint.


Anyone have a similar experience?