The English department has a senior lectureship open!
It pays barely more than what you make right now!
You will only have a four course load, and you'll almost certainly be teaching online!
You will probably have to make the 45 minute drive to campus several times a week to teach one measly face-to-face class!
But it will be a full-time position and you won't have to panic every semester that you'll end up with no sections!
They are looking for applicants with first-rate organizational skills and a professional demeanor.
That's bad. Your idea of organizational skills is to occasionally stuff all loose paper into a file cabinet and forget about them and your demeanor is more along the lines of "better than a hobo."
Can I go now?