I’m in my mid-thirties, living in a major city and I don’t know how to safely and reliably get the weed.

I never craved or needed it a year ago when I went through chemo (all those anti-nausea drugs they had me on did wonders), but I still thought I’d be swimming in green - and not because I live in state with accessible medical marijuana (it’s a joke here). TV/film with cancer plots told me that friends would come out of the woodwork with boutiques of buds. No one ever offered me any. But that’s ok, because I didn’t need it (and I had Ativan). But now, now I want and need it.

One of the fun after effects of chemo (and compounded by hormone blocking drug I’m currently taking) is vaginal atrophy and vaginismus. I’ve been working diligently to restore things but it’s a time-consuming and frustrating process. And I need more help, but I don’t want to have to resort to vaginal estrogen cream. So, my next step is to try and obtain good quality weed to help combat those unconscious vaginal muscle clenchings during sex.

It seems like I’ve put myself on a difficult mission, yet it really should not be this hard. But then again, I’ve aged out of prime weed scoring years. I have no good friends who have or want the hook-up. The only person I know is in her 20s and she’s really flaky and she gets questionable stuff.

And because I’m a very occasional smoker, I’ve been pretty far outside the culture. I’m now just learning what to ask for when/if I find my person.

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Ugh! I feel so lame.

But I can’t shake this determination. I’ve convinced myself that pot will help immensely.

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